ok, ok.
i just talked to my mom. she's the only one who's had the courage to tell me what i really didn't want to hear.
everyone's trying to be supportive, yeah "just milk this from your teachers," "this must be so hard" etc, im sure you've all heard this before...

tonight my mom just said to me what i haven't thought of, or forgot to think of. and maybe some of you told me too, but i just didn't listen.

I have lived with TN for the past two years. what is different now? other than im on shitty meds. but if i know they make me tired, who says that mental power can't over-ride that?
I have always, ALWAYS been a good student, and extremely against disappointing my teachers, my parents, and myself. so what is different now? nothing. i CAN still be a good student and daughter and the same person i was.
The doctors try to scare you, saying it always gets worse, blah blah blah. but its not any worse RIGHT NOW than it has been, in fact better. although those darn attacks will always catch me so off guard, and i may still cry a little.
I am really HOPING to have surgery, and it will be in my head, and that is scary. but i don't have to think about that right now. in fact, i've thought about everything too much for the last three or four weeks that im all 'thinked' out. i know enough to go to the next step, and that isn't for two weeks. and after that, ill think about the next step. but for tonight, i just have to finish some homework for tomorrow.

I know this might not apply to all or any of you here, i know everyone has different pain, and different meds. but i haven't missed out on anything before because of my TN, even though i didn't know thats what it was.
why should i miss out on my life, and on being happy now?
i shouldn't. and I WON'T.
I am a perfectionist by nature, so I know i couldn't live with myself if i gave up on this semester's classes, and because of it messed up the rest of my college career...so I WON'T.
I don't know if everyone has felt strong in the past, but i think everyone is capable of being strong in the face of pain and uncertainty. i hope you all have gone through this type of personal revelation, or will someday.

I have found myself again. good to be back.
-sarah

Sarah, You go girl. Keep it up.

Ahhh the lovely thing about life being lost then finding yourself again... keep hold of that powerfull feeling and live every good day to its best. hope you still come and share some of the sunshine and humor. we all can use that. and SMILE for me yeah smile right into the wind. . . cus I cant and that be cool to do to the wind. Thanks
Peace
Tina

I think I will snich some of your positive attitude and say right along with you I have had this for a while now so what is the diffrence... I CAN STILL BE ME. Thanks for sharing and spreading the good vib . and you even made me smile..inside I have a huge smile thanks a million for that .
AWESOMESKIER!!!
Peace
Burntmarshmallow...Tina

spending time at home finally with my family...
feels good.
ms consult went great! only a standard neuro-exam (tap your foot, follow my finger, etc) and no spinal taps or mris....
only 5 more days till my neorosurgery consult! hoooray!
~watching oprah winfrey guest starring on ellen... funny stuff....~
have a great weekend everyone!

ha spending time home with family ha mine cant wait to get out of house and start college she is in 10th grade. I hope she repeates your words when she dose go.!!!!
all the best at EVERY consult/ apt you have.
Many good blessings to you and yours.
Peace
Burntmarshmallow...Tina
p.s. do you play any insterments like the sax. or flute?? or sports... do you ski like your screen name ????