jump up and down and throw a fit. Except that would hurt. I am going to rant at you all though..if you dont mind that is. For the last two days I have been unable to sleep. Why you may ask? Because the good Lord decided to give me a new diffintion of pain. Like I need one!!! My tmj has been flaring real bad. Then the TN flaring. Then a mirgraine that well not go away. Then 2!!! abcessed teeth. And so now I feel horrible and am a bear to live with at the moment. Then last night rae woke up in pain too! She is better this afternoon. But last night was horrible. However I feel like I should get good mommy points. She was up screaming which was making my pain twice as bad, but I didnt get nasty with her, yell, or anything. I just pretended that I didnt hurt(do you have any idea how hard that is?) and gave her what she needed. I will say this though. If my mother calls me again today complaining about her headache I may just scream at her. Ok I feel a little better now.

crystalina

p.s. Dh got smart and took everyone but me and rae to the store for some shopping. (we didnt need anything but they were gone for 2 wonderful hours)

As we know - and live - Mom is not supposed to lose it. And Moms don't, but it sure is tough. The littlest fellows just can't be expected to understand, and not only do you not want to yell at them, you really don't want to make them sad, or make them worry or frighten them, not sick ones, not well ones either. Takes a lot of teeth-gritting sometimes. At some point you find that they are slowly absorbing unspoken messages, and learning to let their empathy carry them through the low spots in life. It doesn't all happen at once, I terrified (unintentionally) my daughter who was 10 at the time by giving her an intense message to transmit to her father - the message was wild nonsense because I had pneumonia and was hallucinating from fever. I terrified her, she terrified him, he came tearing into the bedroom expecting the worst.

Being calm in the face of a sick child or one in pain is tough, and it's tough a dozen times over if you're hurting as well. But Crystalina, it passes. That's the only relief I can offer, that it passes and that in the meantime we all here have hides like elephants and you can whack away until you're feeling some better. And while I don't subscribe to the theory that if it hurts (or tastes bad) it must be good for you, I do sense that kids who learn to share their natural empathy and understand a little of the reality of life not always being a piece of candy are often pretty nice people in the end. I hope that today will be better and that you and rae have fun on the upswing. Nancy

Nancy & Crystalina,

In my house, it wasn't Mommy who had to keep her composure, it was me. You say Mom isn't supposed to loose it. Well, I don't think my wife ever attended that class. She makes no bones about how miserable she is when sick, tired, hungry, or just plain upset; and looses her cool often. No matter how much pain I may be in or how sick, she always manages to have it worse and complains of having to carry the whole load (not true). She actually begrudged me getting sick, because she felt that put more on her (also, not true). It's not that she's a fake. She does do an awful lot. It's just she has no sense anyone but her cares or is giving their all to get things done.

Moms carry much of the burden in families, but it is not always the case and far too generalized. There are some women who, like mine, are no good at 'sucking it up'. There are men who are insensitive to what's going on around them, but not enough to justify the generalization that men are insensitive to women. I don't think either sex has a monopoly on sensitivity or participation. I know lots of dads who are family centered. They work hard days, then head straight home to lighten the load on mommy's shoulders. They don't stop off for a beer and chat with the guys, though they often stop off at the store to pick up a list of things mommy needs. Nor do they gripe about it, but look forward to being with their families. They help with getting the kids off in the morning, with chauffering, sit with the kids reading or watching TV, give baths, help with homework, and take their family to synogogue or church. After, the kids are bedded down, they're right there giving mom a back-rub or cleaning up while she puts up her feet.

In most families, there is a division of labor, with dad's doing most of the heavy lifting. In my house, not only did I do all of the heavy lifting, I also did many tasks that are normally associated with the wife (vacuuming, dishes, diaper changes, grocery shopping, getting the pizza, &c). I am not unique in this, because I see other dad's doing the same.

Moms are, indeed, the keystone of family. No question. However, our culture tends to put women on a pedestal and credit them with everything that is pure and unselfish in family. Dad's are given a little credit, but not much and, I'm sad to say, grudgingly. To a large extent this is our own fault because (and this will shock you) men are more self-effacing than women. We give you all the credit and are happy to do it. Women take the lead in defining roles, and we yield to them. We take pride in our wives and family, and tell anyone who will listen that none of it would be possible if not for mom. However, if single-parent families are any measure, dad makes a big and irreplaceable contribution.

Crystalina, I'm willing to bet your husband needed no coaching to realize mom needed a break. I'm also willing to bet he worries about you and Rae something awful. Be sure you tell him he's one of the unsung heroes who don't get nearly enough credit. Also, I am glad you came here to rant, because we do know exactly what you are going through and I know your husband would take it wrong and be hurt. I hope it helps.

Bob S

you guys are wonderful! me and rae are feeling better. and once I was able to think clearly I made my dh his favorite cheesecake and let him go out by himself. I appreciate him so much. If not for him I think I would of lost it by now. He does come straight home to us to help. I try extra hard to not complain about being sick or in pain. I also try extra hard to be sure there is nothing for him to do when he does get home. I hope someday I can show him how much i apprecaite him. any way...thanks for letting me rant at you all. BTW..I did jump up and down... and yes it did hurt but i felt emotionally better. lol

crystalina

Crystalina,
I've been off this list for a while, but where you diagnosed with TN like your daughter?
Stefanie

Yes. However mine was caused my the damage my tmjd was doing to the nerve. Mine can be fixed or so they say. We just havent gotten that far yet. They still have no idea what is causing rae's.

Crystalina