Hi all, I posted this on the BP forum and have copied it for here. It is starting to sink in and I'm getting shaky.

I came up with a made up word, BeEnd. awhile back. Let me explain. Since I have quit smoking I feel like my life has really just begun. be Since quitting smoking though, my mom, my cousin, one of my friends, have all passed, and my mariage has ended. End. BeEnd

I have a neighbor who I had a real hot crush on awhile back. He told me he wasn't interested and then we kept our distance for awhile longer. Him and I have been talking here and there and just now we talked for a long time. He informed me that he has at the most 6 months to live. He nearly lost his life to cancer just recently. The hospital had him on life support. I need to be a good friend to him now and get ready to watch someone whom I've thought to be special since the beginning of March, die. We talked about death and dying and about his funeral plans. It was creepy but without the crush on him any longer I can talk about these things without too much difficulty. I still hold a special place in my heart for him though. I just have a feeling that I'm going to need a lot of hugs, love, and support to hang in there and look after him in his final days. That's if he'll let me. He wants for me to come back to his place tonight when he gets home from a cookout. And right now I'm still in shock too.

For any of those who had been following any of the poems I wrote this year, well, this dying neighbor of mine had a lot to do with inspiring me to write them. The emotions he stirred in me had motivated me to write a lot of poems some of which I never posted on here. I had thought about trying to write a book half heartedly and while I was playing around with that notion I thought about what the title to the book would be. BeEnd. would be my title of course. The beginning for me and the end of so many others. I could go on to say what I had thought would be in the end of the book to signify the name of it like a completely new part of my life unfolding.

Well, thanks for listening.

befuddled

Does this friend have any family? I can tell you only talk about what he wants to. I am reading how to care for dying patients, because if I get on with Hospice that is the kind of people I will have to work with. He probably didn't want to get close to you because the relationship can't lead to anything. OR IN OTHER WORDS,HE DON"T WANT TO HURT YOU!

This will be hard on you. When I knew my husband was dying, my whole world went upside down. He would want to be close, then pull back. He would talk out of his head, then be as normal as the next person. He would be up all night and sleep all day. Then came the day I couldn't support his weight and need help or else I couldn't handle him. I got so worn out I could of slept standing up, by the time he passed away.

Do you think you can handle this? Has he got anyone else to help when the time gets worse? It will get worse Barb! He will probably be bed ridden yet. I didn't think this would happen either, even tho I was told.
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BC

Hi Billie,

My friend has Hospice coming on Monday. He has 2 Uncles and an Aunt that help out once in a while but other than that just his step-son who is in a wheelchair living with him.

I'm getting better about this whole thing. I have no romantic feelings for him anymore. Just feelings like a close friend. But because I had romantic feelings for him briefly I think that's where he got a special place in my heart for now.

I would appreciate any advice you could give to me during your hospice training for my use.

Thanks,
befuddled2