Is anyone else here effected by infertility? Hubby and I are infertile due to his loss of sperm due to testicular cancer.... it would be nice to be able to chat with others who also have infertility issues.

Actually, I *had* infertility issues. I have two children - it took two years for the first one. Due to known fertility issues on my part we were going thru the adoption process and just about to start the home study when I became pregnant.

I hope adoption would be an option for the two of you - so many babies/children need loving homes.

Count me in; it's due to a plethora of health probs. My mother knew when I was 9 that I'd never have biological children but she never told me. Instead, she went to afternoon "teas" and told her friends. I did my best to pry info. out of them when one hinted about the topic. Then, several years later, one woman wrote a letter and said that my mother had stated that it related to my kidneys, but the woman wasn't accepting that as an explanation since she had known others with kidney probs. whom had bio. children.

I was around 22 or so when doctors started telling me that I shouldn't have children. So, it may have turned out to be the best - for any offspring I might have thought of having. I dunno.

I met for a consult with a specialist, and, he wanted $5K to begin testing. Since I was not ready to have children at the time anyway, I listened... and... that's as far as it all went.

I'm undecided about what I might want to do at some future time, though.

As Snoopy said: Possibly adoption might be an option for you?

I've not ruled out adoption - only I think I'd want a older child, and that is also related to my doctors telling me that I won't be able to lift a child above 10 lbs. Makes me feel sad, only... I've come to accept the realities and think about how it would feel for a small one who couldn't be lifted and stuff by me. I wouldn't want the child to construe or take what I am unable to do as any sign or rejection.

Thank you both for sharing your experiences. I know this topic isn't always easy to discuss, and often brings up sadness, so I greatly appreciate that you both are willing to talk about it.

Technically, we could do AI (artificial insemination) because as far as we know our only fertility problem is my husbands inability to produce any sperm.... but the reality is that I probably would not be able to carry a child due to my own health problems.

We have thought about adoption, but these days so many birth parrents want open adoption to be able to choose their childs adoptive parents, and the reality is that birth parents are not likely to choose a couple where both have ongoing health issues, where one parent is medically disabled along with anxiety issues.... plus we can't even afford to buy a condo or small home, so again, who would choose a family who lives in a rental, and how would we even afford the adoption....

So, if we decide to adopt, it will be a foreign adoption - mainly because (at least in my state) the birth parents have 2 months after the birth and after handing over the child to change their minds. I would not be able to handle having a child ripped out of my arms.

The one thing that we have considered very seriously, is foster care. In my state there is an agency that works only with older children (above 10) who need long-term homes (until they turn 18 and age out of the system). These kids have birth parents who will never get custody again, but for various reasons the children are not able to be adopted. We are very interested in this group because they are older, because they need long-term placement, and mostly because these kids need so much love.

Anyway, sorry to babble on and on, but it helps so much to be able to talk and get it all out.

Again, thank you snoopy and bobbi for sharing your experiences. I hate that anyone else has to deal with the sadness, but it is comforting and helpful to at least know I am not alone, and to be able to talk to people who truly understand.

((((((((hugs)))))))))

Liz

I dont think I'll ever get over it. I wanted to share the joy of childbirth with my husband....after numerous surgeries, procedures and other awful stuff, it was never to be.
I did have a child when I was 17 years old....under horrible circumstances. I was dumped by an older man....I'd just lost my home to a horrible flood in Loma Linda Calif....my folks told me I was old enough to find my own place, so they turned me out. Finding "love" or someone to love me only proved to be one long heart ache. I struggled through the entire pregnancy. The older man dumped me and I had no where to go other than home for unwed mothers....Booth Memorial Hospital in Los Angeles in 1969.
I was pressured to give it up for adoption...but I insisted on keeping him.
My parants disowned me and I had no one to turn to.

3 years later I was lucky enough to marry a wonderful man who took my son as his own, but no matter how much he tried...it just wasnt his child. My in-laws told me they would never accept my son as a grand child.....many more tears shed!
My mother told me it was Gods way of punishing me for having sex out of marriage. I took it hook line and sinker and knew God was mad at me.
The delivery was very traumatic....I ended up getting overdosed with Pittosen, and after his birth I had 5 packages of sutures to sew up one ripped bottom. I ended up with a whopping infection...I went to work 2 weeks after his birth....how else could I survive as I was too stubborn to accept welfare (something I now regret) and standing on my feet long hours just days after giving birth only caused more problems.

Years later when married and no baby on the way we started out with the basics. My husbands sperm count was too low....caused by a vericocele, basically a vericose vein in his sperm sac that killed them all. So he had surgery, but his sperm count was never shoot the moon high, but good enough for a pregnancy.

2 years later I had surgery to repair my damaged fallopion tubes.Husband surprised me with a Caribbean cruise scheduled a month after surgery...timed perfect for conception. I even purchased materinity clothing, baby stuff....I just knew I was going to be blessed.

Then more surgeries to repair adhesions, many many DNC's and
$20K...Motorola refused to cover infertility work up so this was out of pocket expenses for us.....Those were the good old days!
Years later still no pregancy....nothing worked. I turned to God...perhaps he would forgive my sinful ways (I had sex twice...what a bad girl! Or so my mother tried to shame me into thinking) Still no pregnancy.
I began having awful bleeding....OK...it was call an ambulance type bleeding, hold a towel between your legs type....more emergency surgeries.

Dr Benita Villaneuva in San Diego...a leading infertility doc sat on my bed after I woke up. He took my hand and told me that I would NEVER acheive a pregnancy....to just give up, quit spending money and accept it.
We turned to adoption.....very long story....ended up in Mexico, adopted an 11 YO girl, then a 4 year old girl. Closed the orphange where the kids were being sexually abused....a true nightmare and news media frenzy back in 1982

He was right...a year later I had a total historectomy. This was the end of the road. But having the adopted girls diverted my attention....a little.
But it wasn't a good experience. Sadly we learn now the girls are grown, gone 100% out of our lives....they were damaged beyond repair. They have the failure to attatch and did not love us in return.
We don't even rate Mothers/Fathers day cards...oh well.

We tried our best...but the older girl drank herself into coma's at age 12.
We paid for inhouse treatment twice. Her drinking never stopped.
The youngest was a compulsive liar with a constant need for attention.
We kept trying, praying....thinking we would over come all this.
Our lives were filled with turmoil and stress. We were strong Christians, put all 3 kids in Christian school. My husband nearly died from mouth cancer....what an ordeal we went through.

Dont think for one second that having a child like that satisfied my longing for a family....I spent several hours sobbing about all this just 3 days ago.
My life has been filled with so much sadness and regret.
No doubt the cause of my immune failure. I also beleive the long term stress from the girls was the last straw for me.

The youngest robbed our home, stole a lot of $ from our savings account....then lies about being abused in our home...yes...I admit...4 times I slapped her face when I got so frustrated for her constant over the top lies. If you call that domestic violence, then so be it. But this girl has been in trouble with the law numerous times for filing false rape charges......5 or 6 times....do we see a pattern here?
She met a very nice guy who makes a good living...claimed she was PG, after knowing him a month....he married her....funny....her pregnancy was 11 months long! She claims its true....yeah right, if you're an elephant!
But her husband beleives her as does his family...so she's isolated us from them as she fears we'll tell on her. Now her child is very ill....claims he has 106+ fevers daily, grand mal seizures, asthma, allergies, brain tumours, epelipsy, severe food allergies....with an IQ over 200+. hmmmmm! Do we see Muchhausen by Proxy here? I'll let them figure it out...I'll just sit back and watch...I dont want any part of telling.
And her second baby....at first was triplets....then when only one could be found on ultra sound...she had some lame excuse...claimed she lost the other two...then the baby was going to be born without a brain. So during this pregnancy she got all sorts of sympathy...everyone just adores her cunning ways. Her church memeber rally round her, but...mean ol me....didnt beleive all this. When the baby was born normal she claimed God created a miricle knowing she couldnt bare having 2 ill children. The lies continue....so how can you have a relationship with someone like this? Its put a major wedge between us.

We never pressed charges for her theft and burglarizing our home and stealing from our savings account...she thought we'd never miss $10K, well duh!
It just turned out so ulgy and so sad for both my husband and I.
My son is very disgusted with the girls as well.....he told me he is angry with us for messing up his perfect life....why did I bring those two awful girls into our home? He is right. Our home was quiet, full of peace and content.
The moment we brought the girls into our lives it turned ugly.

Please be careful what you pray for! Adoption has too many ugly endings.
I've heard of a few good stories....but not many.
We did our best....I mean it....we really did. Only when the youngest got older (16) is when I became furious with her over the top lies, then I'd lose control and rage...then slap her face for the lying. I had tried counceling, praying....nothing worked. This was the begining of my illnesses....she could care less about me....if I were to drop dead she'd be here in a heart beat for the "Big Grab"....but she will have a surprise when our wills our read!
They will receive $1 each.

You may think this is mean...but if you knew how they really treated us, you'd understand. We gave our "all".....we loved more than we should have. We gave more than we should have. They came from complete poverty and lived a life of priveledge in our home.
I dont know why my life had to be such a long sad ordeal. God has lots of 'splainen to do on judgment day! Maybe then I'll know why.
Blessings, cheryl

I might be speaking about the same thing you are but....

Have you checked with your state social services, they also have children for adoption and in most cases these are the babies/children where the bio-parents have already had their parental rights terminated - they are usually already in foster care....we have a nieghbor who is a foster parent but has legally adopted MANY of her foster children.

Be sure you are ready for this - many of these children have mental health issues as well as health issues and learning difficulties. If that is not a problem for you then thats wonderful.

Also you could check with orphanages, these are usually Catholic (?) run - many of those children are also adoptable.

I had many infertility problems----went through a total of 22 cycles of infertility drugs, treatments, etc. One surgery, tests, more tests, etc. I have had 3 miscarriages, which is an undescribable pain. Between all of this, though, I was blessed with a wonderful son, who is now 12. He is the sunshine in my life!
I could fill an ocean with the amount of tears I have shed over all of this. Fertility drugs make you sooooooo emotional anyway! And the money you spend, with no guarantees. Your life becomes whatever day of your cycle you are on. Then the dreaded visit from AF.

Cheryl, I had a step-daughter (I am now divorced) like the daughter you described--stealing, pathological liar, etc. We went through so much counselling, tried to help her, but I think the more you try to help, sometimes, you do more harm. Some people just don't have a conscence (SP?). My best friend went through pretty much the same thing, only she ended up adopting her step-son (she went through all the infertility issues herself, after having a healthy daughter when she was not married).
Her step-daughter finally did straighten out, married her AA sponser, and has a son of her own. It is never hopeless!

Finding someone with the same issues to talk with, helps so much with the pain! And counselling. There is also a website called Inciid, that is for infertility issues, prgnancy loss, adoption, etc., that I found to be very, very helpful. It is set up very similar to this site. I have not used it in years, but I do not know how I would have dealt with all of the issues without it. I just hope it is still as helpful!

Bobbi, I have missed you! I hope you are doing well. I missed BT so much, and was thrilled when I found this! Your insight was always so much to look forward to. I hope to see you around, or hear from you.

Carolyn

Carolyn, I've missed you too! and others! a lot. I got my lightweight chair (jokeworthy to me, since the thing weighs like a ton whenever I attempt a lift on my own) AND it feels so alone when things "break down" in communication beyond our control .

I just don't know - really - if others do really understand how it feels when a computer and access to online communication is an outreach that is so suddenly halted.

Whatever happens, happens, I suppose, but it it is difficult to suddenly lose contact with people simply and solely because... just because .