[thelonely1]

Hi, I've never posted here before and I don't know if this is where I should post , but it seems the most applicable. I've been seriously depressed for about three years, I desperatly want to die and I can't force myself to exist very much longer. how can i possibly cope with the pain when literaly everything in the world makes me hurt even worse. I just cant stand all the pain and the suffering and the greed and the corruption. It taints everyone no matter how good and pure they once were. I am completly alone i have no skills, talents, or even interests. I can just barely force myself to accomplish even the simplest of tasks like changing clothes or eating. And on top of it all, i just found out that my one and only friend is not at all the person I thought she was, and it turns out i have no idea who she even is. So here I am, it's two in the morning, I can't stop planning my own death, and I am continuously fighting very powerful urges to jump off buildings or to cut my wrists. Also i've prayed to God several times to kill me, and I really hope He'll forgive me for commiting suicide because i can't see myself alive a week from now. I honestly don't believe that there is anyting anyone can say or do to make me feel any better, I just want someone in this terrible world to know how I felt.

Thank you for listining to my pathetic self pity.

[Koala77]

2am is a very lonely time for anyone in your circumstances.... awake and feeling down. You are not alone. I care!

Click this link and come and join me in the Sleepless at SOS thread. Maybe we can keep each other company. http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread103360.html

If you prefer not to, then that's fine too. I'm happy to "talk" to you here, if you would prefer that.

[Koala77]

I'm sorry to see that I missed you thelonely1. If you come back tonight I may still be around, so please do post here or in the thread I gave you the link to, above. I'll be looking out for you.

I'm here most nights when others are tucked up in bed, so please drop in if you'd like some-one to keep you company.

I'm glad you chose this forum to make your initial post. This is a wonderful group and very supportive of each other. Most of our members have been in a situation that could equate to your own in some way, either because they've been there themselves, or some-one they love has been there.

Please have a look at this website, and keep the phone numbers handy. I think you'll find that the people on the other end of the telephone will understand as well.
http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/ph/ipe/ysp/index.shtml

I know that things must look bleak at the moment, but please take a minute to read the information at the bottom of one of our member's pages. Her user name is Alffe, and here's the message that she posted: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Although you might feel it hard to believe that a mere stranger can care for another they've not yet met, then please spend a while and get to know us thelonely1. Hopefully we can convince you, and you won't be lonely any more.

[MandaC]

welcome to our group. i'm glad that you wrote on here - it's a great community of really caring and sincere people (sometimes hard to find in this world).

i know what it's like to think that everyone is tainted and selfish....but this is a safe environment.

please continue posting.

[Jomar]

Hello,
Tell us more about yourself.

Are you are being treated for your depression??
At all? - maybe a different med or combo would help ?

[Addy]

Hello thelonely1,

I hope that in finding this forum, you realize you have found a haven of support ...

I know all about depression - and reaching out is one of the most difficult things to do... it take a lot of courage ...

posting here took courage! Congrats on that first step

Please reach out for help from a doctor, too... if you're already on meds - tell him/her that they're not working (finding the right depression med can be very draining but the end result is worth it, along with the right therapy) ... educate yourself about depression...

Become your own best friend... we're here to help you

[Alffe]

I don't think it's pathetic self pity you're feeling and I hope today is some better for you. You have definitely come to the right forum to talk about it. We don't judge people for talking about what they are feeling...people can't help you if they don't know how you feel.

[GmaSue]

Please come back and talk to us-tell us how your are feeling. This is a place where you can say anything and we will understand. Can you get to a hospital or doctor where they can help you? I'm sorry your friend let you down, but that doesn't diminish your value. You are important. Sometimes the right medicine can help us take baby steps to help ourselves. Please try.

[thelonely1]

Thank you all for posting and trying to help, its nice to know that at least some people in the world want to listen.
I've only ever told one person I'm depressed (besides doctors that is). She's the only person who ever made me feel like I was cared for. She was always trying to make me be optimistic, and even got me to start taking meds. But since then I've driven her off; I think she got tired of trying to fix a person that obviously didn't think they could be fixed. And I eventually got sick of trying and stopped taking my meds. It takes too much energy to go to the doctor, get some meds, take them for a while, realize (unsurprisingly) they don't do anything at all, then do it all over again with one of the million other equally useless meds. Besides, I can barley pay rent as it is, without adding the cost of doctor visits and new meds. I long ago gave up hope of getting better.
Anyway....thanks again for listining. I'll try to keep coming back to post.

[thelonely1]

I tried to post again here yesterday.... but it dosen't look like it stuck.
Hmmmmm...
Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks to all of you. It's nice to know someone is listening.
I'll try to keep posting here.