[Ali B]

Hello all of you

I have made progress since my injury over a year ago, in that I no longer have drop attacks, am now driving again, feel dizzy only ocassionally and there has been improvement in the noise and light phobia which followed my accident.... which is all good and I am so pleased things are moving in the right direction there at least!

However the pain from headaches, the gripping anxiety and terrible angry outbursts that have gradually got worse and worse are causing real problems in my life. I am seriously concerned about the impact my behaviour is having on my kids, and on my marriage.

The above symptoms only improve when I take away all the stresses and strains of normal every day life (I am a mum of 4 and 6 year olds), rest to the max and take myself physically away from the simuli of my familiar environment. This is not possible all of the time. My neuro physiotherapist tells me I should see my doc and get a type of antidepressants that deal with anxiety, but I am terrified of the side effects and long term dependency. She also thinks I should give up both my one half day teaching I do a week and the school parents' group Chair role I've recently taken on, and get some home help. I do see her point but worry that each of these steps will further reduce my already very shaky self asteem.

I've never been a super calm person, but since my accident the anger and stress has been massively worse.

I'm sorry to say this but I am desperate. I'm losing sleep worrying that I've become a monster to my adored family. Any advice or comments would be so welcome. Thank you.

[s505]

Originally Posted by Ali B

Hello all of you

I have made progress since my injury over a year ago, in that I no longer have drop attacks, am now driving again, feel dizzy only ocassionally and there has been improvement in the noise and light phobia which followed my accident.... which is all good and I am so pleased things are moving in the right direction there at least!

However the pain from headaches, the gripping anxiety and terrible angry outbursts that have gradually got worse and worse are causing real problems in my life. I am seriously concerned about the impact my behaviour is having on my kids, and on my marriage.

The above symptoms only improve when I take away all the stresses and strains of normal every day life (I am a mum of 4 and 6 year olds), rest to the max and take myself physically away from the simuli of my familiar environment. This is not possible all of the time. My neuro physiotherapist tells me I should see my doc and get a type of antidepressants that deal with anxiety, but I am terrified of the side effects and long term dependency. She also thinks I should give up both my one half day teaching I do a week and the school parents' group Chair role I've recently taken on, and get some home help. I do see her point but worry that each of these steps will further reduce my already very shaky self asteem.

I've never been a super calm person, but since my accident the anger and stress has been massively worse.

I'm sorry to say this but I am desperate. I'm losing sleep worrying that I've become a monster to my adored family. Any advice or comments would be so welcome. Thank you.

So sorry you are dealing with this. I know it is so hard to deal with the pain and anxiety 24 hrs a day but when you add family, job and just everyday problems it sometimes pushes us over the top. Just know your not alone in this. I have a teenager, I help with my elderly parents and My daughter and husband and new grandbaby are now living with me and before I was injured I would have loved every minute of dealing with a teenager and grandbabies and parents but now I find myself being very hatful with them at times. I have had to just give in to going to my room for my on time out and pull myself back together. When your a mom you cant just do like the doctors say and get complete stress free rest its impossible but you do have to take some time to get yourself together all thru the day. I dont know about your work but i know I could not hold down a job with this, I really dont know how anyone dealing with pcs or mtbi can hold down a full time job but I do think that it would help with the kids if you didnt have the added stress from a job. I hope you feel better very soon and dont be afraid to get help at home it will lessen your stress and maybe help with the family issues.

[Mark in Idaho]

I am confused as to why you need to be involved in these outside activities for your self-esteem. In my mind, getting control over your behavioral problems is the best way to maintain your self-esteem.

By reorganizing your daily activities and taking responsibility for your outbursts, you will improve the home environment and your own recovery. I have had plenty of episodes of explosive behavior. I had to make choices of picking the battles to fight. Many battles are just not worth the effort. All they do is cause commotion.

The world may try to sell the need to do everything to have self esteem, but they do not live in your body or household. As a man and the sole provider for my family for 25 years, going on disability was a struggle. But, it allowed me to get better control of my day to day behaviors.

There are plenty on NT who have had to let go of many of the activities that gave them purpose. We have just had to reinvent ourselves and redefine our purpose.

You can do it. Take care of yourself first so you can be there for you family. It is well worth the effort.

btw, Anti-anxiety drugs are not addicting in the true sense of addiction. They may have side effects and cause some difficulties when one tries to stop or reduce dosages, but if the dose is reduces slowly, it is much easier to do. Your family will likely choose a calmer you with some of the side effects than the you they have now.

I would much rather have a flat affect (lack of or reduced emotional response) that have the volatile personality I had before. My wife would agree.

[AllAmericanAmy]

So sorry for all you're going through. My husband is 9 months into a TBI, and we both have to admit we're incredibly grateful our kids are mid and late teens, not little ones. My heart aches for you and I trust you'll continue to heal and make WISE choices to cope.

Hubby had terrible headaches - zoloft anti-depressant helped tremendously. Also helped him deal with anxiety (he'd get very nervous just driving in the car with me -- though he did that before TBI, that's another story lol) He has truly benefitted from the meds, though he always swore he'd NEVER take any kind of meds like this.

IMHO, you owe it to YOURSELF and your family to try the medicine if you're losing the battle on your own. I encourage my husband to use whatever means necessary to gain ANY leverage in this battle to regain quality life. I'd encourage everyone to do so - you don't have to "tough" it out or "man up" or whatever. Use whatever means are available -- there's enough in TBI recovery that you have to do alone... take help when available.

Peace & grace to you...
Amy

[musiclover]

I too am a year out and share many of your same struggles regarding family, emotions, etc. I believe this is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with....anyways thanks for sharing your story....here's hoping that you will be able to find a bit of peace each day.