I lay here tonight in so much pain. Man am I struggling in every way. Everything, every single thing is so hard to do right now. I get up every day trying to get to my goal of edit complete.. delivery of this final project. I’ve made some good stride and now I am bottoming out. I am pulled between being an editor, accountant, mom, wife, housekeeper, counselor, nurse (for them and me), educator, chef, and so on. I work from home and there has always been (but it seems worse now) a lack of understanding that when you work from home, you really are working. But always I am interrupted time and again by my loved ones. I’ve explained to them countless times... I swear they’re deaf.


I get up early, put my feet on the ground hoping I can make my ankles/feet/legs work. Stumble to coffee, and boot the machines. Yes, all three of them (and that’s just in my area of the studio). I am surrounded by very large monitors and tasks to be done. Push Vrae, push, I say to myself. Get this done and out of your life. It is the most frustrating thing because I cannot work but until about noon and then I get this overwhelming desire to sleep. It’s like I want to do a face plant right into my desk! I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels. Four or so hours a day is NOT cutting it (literally). I struggle to sit for that long. My legs start Charlie-horsing and make me jump from my chair, scrambling to massage and work it free of its anger with me. My upper back hurts so bad that even to take a deep breath hurts. My arms hurt, my hands hurt. It ALL friggin hurts. <sigh>

Afternoons I’m to get kids from school. Driving is becoming a big issue. My feet and legs sear with pain. Get home and look at a sink full of dishes, and that’s pretty much all I do, look at them and move on. I war with myself because my body is screaming lay down, try and get warm and let my body rest. Days go by and I can’t stand long enough to cook, clean, or much of anything else.

Winter is starting to show its self in the Mile High City. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!!! I just need one more weather front for my life to be complete. It got down to 27° last night. Snow tomorrow and Friday night, joy! This is when my limbs turn to ice and to get warm feels almost impossible. God I wanted to be done with this project already! I have many weeks still ahead of me. At this rate, hell it could be next year… ug!

My arm is giving out, so I will quit my moaning and complaining for now.

Ps. I have read many of the recent posts. I know that many of us are struggling with these same issues right now, so I know I am far from alone. I miss my time on here and look forward to catching up with everyone soon. I think of you all often. Thanks for letting me vent. Take care!