I lay here tonight in so much pain. Man am I struggling in every way. Everything, every single thing is so hard to do right now. I get up every day trying to get to my goal of edit complete.. delivery of this final project. I’ve made some good stride and now I am bottoming out. I am pulled between being an editor, accountant, mom, wife, housekeeper, counselor, nurse (for them and me), educator, chef, and so on. I work from home and there has always been (but it seems worse now) a lack of understanding that when you work from home, you really are working. But always I am interrupted time and again by my loved ones. I’ve explained to them countless times... I swear they’re deaf.


I get up early, put my feet on the ground hoping I can make my ankles/feet/legs work. Stumble to coffee, and boot the machines. Yes, all three of them (and that’s just in my area of the studio). I am surrounded by very large monitors and tasks to be done. Push Vrae, push, I say to myself. Get this done and out of your life. It is the most frustrating thing because I cannot work but until about noon and then I get this overwhelming desire to sleep. It’s like I want to do a face plant right into my desk! I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels. Four or so hours a day is NOT cutting it (literally). I struggle to sit for that long. My legs start Charlie-horsing and make me jump from my chair, scrambling to massage and work it free of its anger with me. My upper back hurts so bad that even to take a deep breath hurts. My arms hurt, my hands hurt. It ALL friggin hurts. <sigh>

Afternoons I’m to get kids from school. Driving is becoming a big issue. My feet and legs sear with pain. Get home and look at a sink full of dishes, and that’s pretty much all I do, look at them and move on. I war with myself because my body is screaming lay down, try and get warm and let my body rest. Days go by and I can’t stand long enough to cook, clean, or much of anything else.

Winter is starting to show its self in the Mile High City. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!!! I just need one more weather front for my life to be complete. It got down to 27° last night. Snow tomorrow and Friday night, joy! This is when my limbs turn to ice and to get warm feels almost impossible. God I wanted to be done with this project already! I have many weeks still ahead of me. At this rate, hell it could be next year… ug!

My arm is giving out, so I will quit my moaning and complaining for now.

Ps. I have read many of the recent posts. I know that many of us are struggling with these same issues right now, so I know I am far from alone. I miss my time on here and look forward to catching up with everyone soon. I think of you all often. Thanks for letting me vent. Take care!

Hi Vrae,
I'm sorry you're having so much pain and such a hard time getting your project finished. I hope you can get it done soon so that you can rest a little more. I know it's still hard to rest with kids, but at least it will give you a little more time to yourself to get some sleep. I can't sleep right now because I feel like crap. It's starting to get colder here too, but not as cold as where you are, so I'm not going to complain about it. I miss talking to you but am glad to hear from you. I hope you have a better day tomorrow and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You are very special. You juggle so much while in so much pain. I don't know how you do it, but admire your strength. I hope you feel better soon. And feel free to vent anytime. I understand and have had my share of venting. It helps to talk to people who understand our pain. Well, hope you can get some rest tonight. I am going to try to do the same. Take care.

I want to say "Ifeel your pain" and not have it sound sarcastic. I think it's easy for our families to forget about our disease, but we may only get small moments when it does not torture us or at least nag at us.
Bless your heart I don't how you cope with the cold weather! I know that would greatly magnify the pain. You're an inspiration for pushing through, but you need to take care of yourself.
Hang in there and thanks for sharing!

Cold weather is a darn trial, no doubt at all I feel for you with snow due, its been a lovely sunny afternoon here but as the sun goes down the chilly damp air comes straight back... snow? my leg is getting even colder at the very thought!

Hang on in there chick, you'll get through this - you need to work out your own coping strategies for getting through the day from that first stumble upright (I know that one) to the final flop into bed and trying to sleep... Just remember that you are not superwoman - well not quite - do what you can, get help with anything you can, and don't push yourself so far that you end up hurting even more. I know it's a dreadful balancing act, but don't just try to do everything no matter what....don't want you feeling any worse

Thinking of you x

Bram.