Im not gonna write a fancy poem or anything. Just me, stripped down.


I used to work in a medical office with chronic pain pts. I remember when my journey first started, I told my friend to please not let me become one of those people, the people that were distant, angry, never smiled, not happy. I was the opposite of that, I was FULL of life, happy, energetic, sarcastic, always joking, I was happy. I could work insane work hours unlike my co workers, I was the best! My boss greatly relied on me because I was so GOOD! I knew I had a bright future ahead of me, only 18 and I was finally finding who I was as a person, was just coming into myself. And then the pain started and so I went to the "best" surgeon there was, I trusted that surgeon when I was just finally starting to learn how to trust people. And she told me it would be a very easy surgery, I would be back to work in 8 weeks and I would quickly have my life back to normal, I questioned her to make sure and she promised me everything would go perfect. Little did I know in a few short hours that she performed the surgery did I know that she was going to take away my life completely. The 18yr old that was so full of life, happy, energetic, always joking and always happy was gone. The future I saw was gone. The person I was, was gone. Everything GONE. 1 person took it all away. The trust I was just learning to have, gone.

Ive mourned that person for the last 7yrs now. Now I just try to get threw the day the best I can. That surgeon took away my older teenage years and my young adulthood. The person I am now, its easy to hide behind the smile. Im now the patients I used to see and I don't find that a good thing. Sure all of this has made me a better person in some ways, but its also made me worse in other ways.