Rang NS secretary, she not happy with June either but stated NS will not have anyone other than my PM do the procedure. She made a strange comment "they really are putting the clamps on Dr F aren't they" so maybe my cynicism isn't unwarranted.

I'm telling myself to practice what dad always said. If it is meant to be it will be. Obviously there are other things at play and I need to accept it is what it is, in my minds eye, I can see how it is going to pan out. Husbands 50th is July 18. My 40th was spent in hospital, what's a bet his 50th I will be scheduled to be in hospital.... Well I'm not doing it, he needs a celebration of life, July will be a month free of hospital appointments no matter how bad I am. I will just have to suck it up.

I was so in pain yesterday and after the appointment disappointment took a knock out pill rather than the pain meds as I'm managing a partial blockage. The knock out pill doesn't cause blockages. Made hubby dinner, luckily decided on a cold platter as we had a power outage from 6pm through 7.30am. Found candles, unhinged powered garage door for easy access. knock out didn't knock me out fully, I was up and down, on the upside, no headache. Must be dads spirit telling me to let it all go and accept I can't worry over everything or influence anything anymore. I'm not what I used to be, I can't will things to happen or make them happen. I am a shadow of my former self and that's ok, it's time to accept and rest and let things happen at their own pace.