Rang NS secretary, she not happy with June either but stated NS will not have anyone other than my PM do the procedure. She made a strange comment "they really are putting the clamps on Dr F aren't they" so maybe my cynicism isn't unwarranted.

I'm telling myself to practice what dad always said. If it is meant to be it will be. Obviously there are other things at play and I need to accept it is what it is, in my minds eye, I can see how it is going to pan out. Husbands 50th is July 18. My 40th was spent in hospital, what's a bet his 50th I will be scheduled to be in hospital.... Well I'm not doing it, he needs a celebration of life, July will be a month free of hospital appointments no matter how bad I am. I will just have to suck it up.

I was so in pain yesterday and after the appointment disappointment took a knock out pill rather than the pain meds as I'm managing a partial blockage. The knock out pill doesn't cause blockages. Made hubby dinner, luckily decided on a cold platter as we had a power outage from 6pm through 7.30am. Found candles, unhinged powered garage door for easy access. knock out didn't knock me out fully, I was up and down, on the upside, no headache. Must be dads spirit telling me to let it all go and accept I can't worry over everything or influence anything anymore. I'm not what I used to be, I can't will things to happen or make them happen. I am a shadow of my former self and that's ok, it's time to accept and rest and let things happen at their own pace.

your father so wise
and able to be there for you
and explain it too
and you bet your of former self
you are growing
becoming wiser
a beautiful person you are
happy to meet you
i ask my father to watch over my babies
as they all were shorted from
certain essentials in life
like their own dad
he would know of their situations
i pray his spirit watch over them
as nuts as he was
you understand
i wish you ease with you physical pain
and can see you spirit is in the right place
blessings to you and family
me

Hi Pam,
It is so hard to hear your doc say not to think about going back to work.
I think it was his way of saying, focus on you and take it one day at a time, don't set a deadline. Obviously, financially it can be devastating but, from my own experience,
it always works out. It may not be the exact life you dreamed of or wanted but, you are a strong person and it will be the best it can be.

I am so sorry for your pain and the delays but your father sounded like a very wise man....do try to take it one step at a time, one day at a time....handle only what you can, for today. The bills may not be paid, the house not clean, everything not tended to but, family and friends may get theirs nose out of joint about all kinds of things. Ignore them...be with the people you love, people who make you feel good...not people who criticize you. Even if that means turning away from family. You need THEIR support now. Take care of yourself and be with your husband and let everything else go.
All my best, D.

Well. I'm sorry all of this has transpired Pam. You've been through so much lately.

I do believe in light at the end of the tunnel, that even IN that long and dark tunnel, the light is on-- though we don't see it. Kinda like at night, or after sunset it seems like the sun is gone, but really it's there... reflecting its light off of the moon and stars to get back to us...like a reminder that the night wont last forever...
No matter whatever they will do or say, and whatever happens, YOU are IN the LIGHT, and will always be.. though you don't see it, and even though you are having this miserable pain... So sorry you are feeling so alone, and glad you are with your husband and sharing with us. It helps me to not feel so alone in pain that you are here.


Even in the worst pain there'll be a light on...

Hana

So sORRY Pamela to learn things are....well, difficult and that fusion may be in the works in time.....not good you have to await June for another injection either. GAWSH...that is a hard one. I never had real relief from the injections so hearing you at least had some benefit makes me wonder at this great lapse of time between.

Hana and Diandra, Sorry those pains stay with you as well....and yes, as Pamela says, it can be so very disappointing not to be able to "get back to it" whether work, or play, or exercise.... I had hoped after the first BIG fusion to be able to get back to some rehabilitative skiing, as we have that here when the snow flies. Problem was, with permanent nerve damage I never regained full control/feeling in my legs, so scratch skiing. Even so, more surgeries and such helped me ultimately regain work. I do like being able to help provide for the family again. That is a reward in itself.

SO....as D suggests, focus on the getting well part of the fusion thing Pam. One step at a time. Fusion is a big thing. It took several of them finally to leave me in a situation where I can comfortably work in the office once again. But....then you know that about me.

Prayin for YOU.
Yup,

Pam
Our friends here speak such wisdom. Isn't it wonderful to be so loved
Diandra says it so beautifully in regard to accepting things as they are, one day at a time, and yes, you ARE a very strong willed person. So many of the things you say remind me of the things I say. How in the world did we get like this I've actually had several significant mental breakdowns over that question.....

But one thing to always remember and realize is that our hindsight will paint the real picture and I truly believe we will be somewhat amazed at what we will see. Once we are able to stand tall and take a good look at the path we've come thru, or in some cases - the path that the Good Lord CARRIED us thru, it won't be about what's 'become' of our lives. It will be more about WHO we've become because of these trials.
Thaaaa's RIGHT! Our purpose here on this earth will be made clear and it will be beyond what we ever thought we could be.
....ehem... That's my story and I'm stickin tuit!

BTW, I sent a moldy MOON PIE to your SIL and left a note for the postman to stuff her in the sack I enclosed.

Oh Rrae, just to let you know, I come back to this post and read it and a smile begins and before long I can feel that healthy glow that comes from within when you are amused. I can feel my face muscles stretching, my lips quiver and I have a quiet giggle. Thank you

beautifully said Pam
ditto