I think I can feel, or share, some of your pain. I have an older brother who lives his life much the same way. He was only a grade above me in school, when he was actually there. My brother has supposedly gotten help... all kinds of therapy... but he is the same, and he is still mentally ill. The verbal, physical, and sexual abuse I endured... most of it has not ended. Things were normalized for me that should never have been. There was and is nothing I can, and really nothing anyone else around me will do about him, so I've realized recently that I need to do what I can to help and protect myself. I will not have knives slid under my door while I stand on the other side, holding the lock so he cannot come in... it takes too much of my energy -- it drains me -- to hear him now... bringing me down... when I can still hear and feel the past so readily. He has hurt and abused me my whole life, as your brother did, and I don't think I know how to deal with it still but I know I have to find a way or it will just eat away at my life and my other relationships. Somewhere in ourselves, we have to find distance from them...

Thank you for posting what you did, it was very valuable to me today, to know I'm not alone in that battle...