Quote:
Originally Posted by maygin
I've learned with CRPS it's all about prioritizing. It's hard for me to de prioritize work and prioritize things I need like home cooked food, but it's too important not to. I have felt a little better, which is making me motivated to keep it up.
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Awesome Maygin - that list of stuff I did all came from that - a complete focus on prioritizing for positive motivation. It sounds idyllic and ridiculous but major change always does. Because we're scared.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maygin
I kept pretending I could do it on my own, but this is something I need a little help with.
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Oddly enough, it wasn't until I completely surrendered and said, "Welp - I'm completely and utterly
******. How on earth has it come to this? I couldn't have PLANNED things any worse than they are.
I can't fix this; I'm not good enough; I surrender." ....
....I was sitting in the ER when I had that thought. And immediate sudden realization hit me like a Mack truck.
I realized that I blamed myself for my pain.
A huge weight was suddenly and unexpectedly lifted, and even more crazy - I started to
laugh. It still hurt the exact same - like frozen fiery hell with twitchy lightning bolts thrown in for good measure - but I was somehow no longer identified with it. It was my body's pain, not mine.
That was the turning point. From that moment on I made slow and steady progress until one night I woke up and realized the pain was gone. Not to say I didn't have setbacks along the way - but they had miraculously turned from obstacles into guideposts.
I don't know... maybe it's different for other people. But up to that moment I outwardly blamed doctors, blamed bad luck, blamed God (either for existing, or for not existing), blamed everything I could think of... but in my heart, I realized the truth was that I blamed
myself for my pain and for hurting my family. But it was never mine to begin with