Hi Jenna,

This is such an important topic, thank you for raising it. And, Kevscar thanks for the thoughtful response.

This illness is a big obstacle to intimacy on so many levels. We are effected physically, emotionally and cognitively. Sometimes we are crabby from pain and prickly towards our loved ones even if they did nothing wrong. We may feel emotionally vulnerable and our esteem may suffer. Medications may dampen our interest. Our partners may be fearful of hurting us. All of this has an impact on our relationship. Anytime there is a problem of this magnitude in a relationship it warrants open discussion. It is important for both of you to talk about your feelings and needs. I hope you beat this thing back like you did before. But you don't know when that will happen or to what degree. I hope your boyfriend is open to learning more about CRPS so he can better understand you. Don't be afraid of asking him to look at videos or literature. Sometimes people are more open to information in black and white or from "experts".

Right now you don't need the pressure of worrying about his "frustration". However, physical closeness may lead to easier emotional intimacy and tender feelings. Physical touch is an important part of human relatedness. And sex has benefits of decreasing stress, improving circulation, increasing "feel good" hormones, etc. There are a million ways to get creative about meeting our partner's needs (and our own). Many of which can involve minimal or even no touch. He's a big boy, he can take care of himself, but you can be present and be involved even if it is just with stimulating conversation . And who knows where that may lead for you...your brain might get more involved than you anticipate and distract you from pain.

I think it is important for us, the sufferers, to experience touch that feels good. That may be the Big O or it may simply be a gentle touch to a part of our body that doesn't hurt. Get what painless physical input you can if at all possible. It is healing and signals the brain that there are better things to focus on. I hope for your sake there is some part of your body that doesn't hurt. When I was in my worst pain I found myself craving gentle caress in the areas that weren't painful. A gentle hand through the hair is a great pleasure and this simple thing can make people feel closer and loved.

I am sorry that you're having to deal with this right now when you have such stress and pain. Your boyfriend's frustration is not more important than your pain. And In no way do I want to minimize your suffering. I am just hoping you can find a way around it!

Sending gentle hugs,