How much longer
My God how much more
What else do you want me to go through
Strip me I do not understand
Do not want to feel anymore
But I do understand You are in control
How much more
You will just see to it until I stop asking
You are the only one that knows all about me
I hide nothing
I will not be a door mat
Or be judged
My God why
I am again awakened
To go through a day of what
I don't even want it to start
I should be welcoming my day
I am still compelled to pick up the phone
When will I stop
Do I have to stop
Is that how far I must go
I have no more to give
I am being raped now
And I want it to stop
I do not know how not to pick up the phone
I turn the machine off for two weeks but that's it
I have other calls I cannot get to
Really
Really
The way I feel is not a feel anyone should have to go through

My daughters in the hospital
One cannot handle life on its terms
Had a breakdown on Mother's Day
Since then she has been hanging on me
Once again
Mommy I can't go through this anymore
I can't live with him anymore
I'm not happy
So I listen
And listen
And tell her
You have a place
However you must leave the waitress business
It feeds her addictive ways
Will not give it up
Will not go to a meeting everyday to get her REAL MEDICINE JUST FOR AN HOUR
I will not be a doormat to my children
She is given the opportunity to get a proper job
I have the baby
Dammit
I stepped up when no one else could
And I'm still watching her
And as for my youngest
Calling me with chills
Not knowing to go to the hospital
103 fever
Her father took forever to get to her
She wouldn't let me take her
Even though I had the baby
I could have taken her
I make sure she has all the information needed
As I called my eldest to go to her
She of all people
I never left her f******side
Never
Ever
Did I leave them alone
She and he or my eldest knew what was done
As I had to get better at texing
It's the way of the world
I hate it
Text ever ******* thing that she needed to tell the ER doctor
It is not okay
And then all I have closest to me my sister
Only the youngest one
Will be here this weekend
She will stay and keep me company
I have this incredible mound of sadness that is crushing me
I feel like I am allowing all other getting the better of me
I allow what I let in or not
And with family
It very tricky
I get the boot at the end of the day
Shame on me for letting it happen
And the end of her settling in
And I make sure to the best of my ability
Not for her to be left alone
Her father was suppose to stay
He did not want to
I still won't know the truth about that
As my daughter was put on morphine drip
with antibiotics to get right to the infection
Now she hasn't had a kidney infection

I will bring up an issue I take issue with
I have a thirty three year old son who is gay
Came out junior or senior year
The whole time I thought he was going to kill himself
Sat me down told me
And my response was
"that's it"
I was so relieved
Now ever since Corissa left
Her behavior very worry some
Nothing but a troublesome path
Two weeks ago through a bisexual friend
Male
Gets his girls to have sex with through my daughter
She sees this and knows it isn't right
She told me about him
Yet now under her fathers care
I come to find this information from my child
herself
And because I questioned her father
Why dose t he know where she is
His response was
What am I suppose to do
Really
Are you kidding me
Now my child is ****** off
Because I'm telling her father
the people she is hanging with
This bisexual you g man
Maybe a bit older then my youngest
who is eighteen
introduced my daughter to this other bisexual man who had
UNPROTEDTED SEX WITH MY DAUGHTER
HOW DO I KNOW THIS
MY CHILD TOLD ME

And because I bring this to the forefront
How possible transmitted infection can happen
Not to mention other diseases and a possible sickle cell anemia child
She has the trait
Trait + Trait = 1 in 3 babies sickle cell anemia
Then
HPV
AIDS
HEP C
AND THE LIST GOES ON

You do not have to have sex to figure out if you are gay or not
Or even entertain it if confused
If anything figure out oneself then bring in another person
May they be the opposite sex or the same
It does not make a difference
One should be falling in love with who they are as a human being
Not to give up ones body I would tell my kids
Hold off at least for the six month mark
At that point one will find out much and the reasons why they stay in the relationship
Yet not a f*****g person sees this sex binge she is on
has very bad consequences to the

THE SEX IS UNPROTEDTED
IT IS NOT OKAY
TO HAVE a bisexual partner
Or any partner for that matter
And at the end of the day
My youngest tells me like her father
I'm making a big deal about everything

I began to utter the words
I will not be the bad guy here
She said to me
As she began to feel better in her room
Mom
Ill call when I'm discharged
I typed her
Don't bother
Your taken care if
I'm not a doormat
And I won't let her treat me like one

What else Father
What else
Me