Daniella:

You wrote:

"You do things his way or its wrong. He said its up to me about the move but also had to add his 2 cents about what I should be doing for pt. He always compares to him ok he is 84 and his issue is the muscle. I'm 29 and mine is nerves. Way different. Like I should be fixing myself or be better already.Through this he never called me in 6 months only calling my mom to see. I called a few times and sent cards and then finally we talked. He says to my mom he doesn't know what to say. He makes me feel so lonely and sad. This is such a sad day. I always feel so lonely like no one understands."
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Your grandfather reminds me a lot of my mother. I never felt so good as when both my parents moved to Florida when I was 24. This is how they told me they were moving. "Melody, we bought a house in Florida, if you want to come, come". Now I didn't need to be a brain surgeon to know that if I went, I would never be out from under her domination.

So I elected to stay, got my own apartment (I was 24, had a good job, even a boyfriend or two). And I visited them on holidays. Every single time I went and returned and my friend picked me up at the airport, she would see me crying and she would say "Oh Melody, why do you continue to go there and be abused"???

But in your case, it's a completely different story. I dont' care how rich this guy is. He comes with strings. (and I mean no disrespect, but I did go through this). These strings are called Emotional Blackmail.

STRESS STRESS STRESS.

And the fact that he calls your mom a princess and you a screw up, and the fact that no one fully understands your physical problems, well, you might move there, but honestly, what would you achieve. Warmer weather, and a living arrangement full of stress.

I would rather live in the North Pole with a bunch of heaters, sweatshirts, warm clothing, AND BE AT PEACE, then even have a conversation with my own son. That's what he did to me, and that is what I now know contributed to my health woes. Of course my son did not cause my diabetes. But his behavior contributed to my closing myself in my room at night and eating myself into oblivion. How nice that I no longer have to do that. I choose peace and caring. My husband and I do not go on trips, or out to dinner, or any place special.

But do we do out to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast a few days a week. We smile at our neighbors. They smile back. We stop and chat. We know everybody. My husband calls me the Mayor of Brooklyn. At each night, I go out and sit on neighbor's or friend's porches with my muffins, and I play with the babies or we just sit and chill.

But there is no stress.

If I knew then, what I know now, (and if I had applied that knowledge), I can only imagine how different my life would have been.

But we have to go through stuff and learn. And learn, and continue to learn.

So you do whatever you need to do to survive. But don't let anybody talk down to you, beat you up about it, etc.

You're a human being and you should be respected.

Next time Gramps hits your with something that you know is inappropriate, just quietly say "Grandpa, why on earth would you say such a hurtful thing to me???" See what he answers.

Melody