Daniella:

You wrote:

"You do things his way or its wrong. He said its up to me about the move but also had to add his 2 cents about what I should be doing for pt. He always compares to him ok he is 84 and his issue is the muscle. I'm 29 and mine is nerves. Way different. Like I should be fixing myself or be better already.Through this he never called me in 6 months only calling my mom to see. I called a few times and sent cards and then finally we talked. He says to my mom he doesn't know what to say. He makes me feel so lonely and sad. This is such a sad day. I always feel so lonely like no one understands."
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Your grandfather reminds me a lot of my mother. I never felt so good as when both my parents moved to Florida when I was 24. This is how they told me they were moving. "Melody, we bought a house in Florida, if you want to come, come". Now I didn't need to be a brain surgeon to know that if I went, I would never be out from under her domination.

So I elected to stay, got my own apartment (I was 24, had a good job, even a boyfriend or two). And I visited them on holidays. Every single time I went and returned and my friend picked me up at the airport, she would see me crying and she would say "Oh Melody, why do you continue to go there and be abused"???

But in your case, it's a completely different story. I dont' care how rich this guy is. He comes with strings. (and I mean no disrespect, but I did go through this). These strings are called Emotional Blackmail.

STRESS STRESS STRESS.

And the fact that he calls your mom a princess and you a screw up, and the fact that no one fully understands your physical problems, well, you might move there, but honestly, what would you achieve. Warmer weather, and a living arrangement full of stress.

I would rather live in the North Pole with a bunch of heaters, sweatshirts, warm clothing, AND BE AT PEACE, then even have a conversation with my own son. That's what he did to me, and that is what I now know contributed to my health woes. Of course my son did not cause my diabetes. But his behavior contributed to my closing myself in my room at night and eating myself into oblivion. How nice that I no longer have to do that. I choose peace and caring. My husband and I do not go on trips, or out to dinner, or any place special.

But do we do out to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast a few days a week. We smile at our neighbors. They smile back. We stop and chat. We know everybody. My husband calls me the Mayor of Brooklyn. At each night, I go out and sit on neighbor's or friend's porches with my muffins, and I play with the babies or we just sit and chill.

But there is no stress.

If I knew then, what I know now, (and if I had applied that knowledge), I can only imagine how different my life would have been.

But we have to go through stuff and learn. And learn, and continue to learn.

So you do whatever you need to do to survive. But don't let anybody talk down to you, beat you up about it, etc.

You're a human being and you should be respected.

Next time Gramps hits your with something that you know is inappropriate, just quietly say "Grandpa, why on earth would you say such a hurtful thing to me???" See what he answers.

Melody

Considerthis I don't mind. I'm an open book and we can learn from others. ANyhow I don't take b12 anymore. I stopped with my dizzy issue and my b12 levels being so high. I know I know but just seeing what will happen. As for my gramps, I agree and why I worked so hard before this to be independent. Before that he had me doing what he wanted. That meant school,job,so on. Before I got pn to put myself through school I waited tables and he thought that was stupid. I said it makes me happy and he said your too smart for that job. I said he should just want me to be happy and if that makes me happy it should be fine. He said thats stupid. That I have been screwing up all my life. He specifically said if I don't do as he says for job so on that I'm out of the will. Thats fine I said if I'm healthy and happy I don't care. He really compares my mom and I her being perfect and me not. My mom never makes me feel that way though. She is my role model though. You know he is 84 and won't change. I love him and that is hard and when he was sick I even offered to come take care of him like full time. He can afford the best of care but I said its important to have family. You know I have been in the hospital many times in cardiac units so on and yes it was because of my ed and my fault but never a call or a card. I always send him little notes. Even now he can't give me credit for my recovery of anorexia he just brings up how I'm behind in school so on.My grandma was the best. Melody she reminds me of you so loving and caring. Also a talker. She passed away years ago. Always in my heart though. Anyhow I just went to look at a cute rental here so will see. I saw my mom too who made me homeade soup. Yeah and I'm feeling a little better. Thanks guys.

Hi Daniella,

Boy, recovering from anorexia is a HUGE accomplishment. That is BIG. You have done a dynamite thing. I sure hope you are really proud of yourself.

(((((((((Daniella)))))))))))

When I was your age and waited tables, (well a few years earlier) I compared how much I made to how much I'd made when I was in management at AT&T. I made no less, maybe more waiting tables; and it's a much healthier job.

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so have you not been dizzy since you stopped taking the B12?

*****

in terms of your level being high... I'm pretty sure mine must be in the thousands... I think it's important to remember that the "normal" levels are arrived at, as far as I know, in relation to healthy people.

*****

Because there are so many things on telly all the time about dangerous this and that... and herbs get much longer coverage if the news is bad than say VIOXX... I used to worry a lot if I had a shot a week, before a doctor put me on that amount.

I think we are encouraged to worry about taking vitamins...

But in reality thousands of people die every year from over the counter things, and the number who die from prescription drugs is astronomical... but not covered by the news all that much.

((((((((daniella))))))))

Thanks. I don't know if I would say I'm proud but know I had to if that makes sense? I hope to be proud. As for the b12 I have not had the severe dizzy but I have had an out of it still sometimes. The dizzy though has lessened since I stopped it. If it does come its not for so long. My symptoms have been so weird. I often get a flu out of it feeling. All my tests don't give a why though. I'm hoping at u of m for more direction and pain relief for my legs. The only reason I stopped the b12 was because it was after I had started taking it I got the dizzy.Also my b12 levels range from 1500-2000 the 2000 was before the b12 and after I started it went down to 1500. In my dream world I would take nothing. I mean no vitamin ,med,so on. That is not possible but I always worry about side effects.Can pn cause dizzy symptoms? I think if I don't get better soon I may look into holistic. I will wait till after my neuro apt,pain clinic at u of m and anastesolgist though.

Hi daniella,

one thing that comes to mind is Teflon... do you cook with it at all?

I used to have some really nice pans, but every time I sauteed garlic I got the flu thing...

So I replaced all my pans with plain steel ones.

...

Yes, I know... taking nothing, just eating well...

I don't see me being able to do without B12, though...

Maybe? I don't know what my pans are. Why would that be though? I think if you found something that works and its healthy then you should stick with it. My issue is I try things and then not only have the pain but other issues. I need to start eating healthier. I gained the weight and eat a lot but not the best choices. Thanks your a sweet lady. All you ladies and gents are!

Daniella:

I think she means that when you use a cheap teflon pan, the teflon coating can come off and go into your food. Not healthy at all.

The stainless steel pans are better. Just use Pam or PUR, or some healthy no stick alternative.

I hate food when it sticks, Drives me nuts.

And the fact that you overcame anorexia is a major cool thing.

My friend is battling Stage 3 lung cancer (doesn't look good) but what's doing her in is her anorexia. She's 59, and has it since she's about 19 or so.

Cost her her marriage, her kids, her whole family can't stand her. They blame her for everything. They think "why can't she just eat".

I once tried to explain that it's a disorder, but they just wrinkled their noses.

Yeah, I know, some people get it, and some people don't.

She has been in and out of eating disorder clinics many many times. Not one of them ever took. I never understood why.

She would be riding in the car with me and ask "Melody, how many calories are in a piece of lettuce"??? That one really got to me. I just said "we are not going in that direction today, we are going out to dinner".

She actually ate a swiss cheese omelette with lettuce and tomatoes. I was thrilled. I had actually never seen her eat anything in my life.

But now, with her illness, she's not eating anything. She must have some strong heart to have lasted this long.

So you pat yourself on the back. It's not easy, I fully understand this.

Melody