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Old 12-26-2008, 05:18 PM
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FaithS FaithS is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 971
15 yr Member
FaithS FaithS is offline
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FaithS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 971
15 yr Member
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondi View Post
I guess that is what I wanted to hear, that it is okay to be mad and to cry. I feel like I'm failing because I can't be happy and positive during this, I feel like I should be stronger and I'm really just a weak, pathetic version of my real self right now.

I've been on the oral steroids for 8 days now, and the last 2 days my sx are worse. My tongue is almost completely numb and I can feel the side of my face numbing more and more.

Thanks for talking to me....
Yeah, I get mad. I don't usually cry. But, sometimes. I cry when I talk to Shared Solutions about how much I hate Copaxone and its side effects. I cry when I light into my DH for treating me differently sometimes, like I don't have a brain and can't make my own adult decisions. When I am not in a flare, I function pretty normally. But, he finds it difficult to get out of his hyper-vigilant stage sometimes. He's been better lately.

I get mad more often than I cry. And I feel sorry for myself when I have to go on disability. Or, when I am about to take a part time job that doesn't pay much over minimum wage. I think I'll enjoy the job, but if I had options comparable to what I've had in the past, I'd make different choices.

I get mad when I have flares and hospitalizations (2 in 2008 -- I spent 4 weeks out my year in the hospital. Almost missed my DD's HS graduation.)

I with I could respond more positively. But, this year has been yuck. I don't have much positive to say.

Sorry. This is just not the direction that I pictured my life going at age 46.

~ Faith
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aka MamaBug
Symptoms since 01/2002; Dx with MS: 10/2003; Back in limbo, then re-dx w/ MS: 07/2008
Betaseron 11/2003-08/2008; Copaxone 09/2008-present
Began receiving SSDI 11/2008
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