my job is barely a job, i have the least amount of hours out of everyone in the pharmacy this week and next. all the pharmacists keep telling me i'm doing well and other people are doing not so well and that theyre confused as to why i get the least amount of hours. ive come in early when they needed me, covered for people on my days off ( one week i covered for 2 people and worked 14days straight no days off) sometimes ill skip my break if the pharmacy is busy and im not saying i deserve a medal but at least recognition would be cool.


im also starting to feel VERY lonely. im still with mike and we've been doing so well, but i have no friends, and nothing to do,and no where to go when were both not at work. ive planned a disney trip for may and its all i think/talk about because i dont do anything else. i spend 60% of my free time on a disney planning forum, and the rest of my free time is either lying in bed with mike or driving.

i wish i had health insurance. as of the 31st im not on my dads plan anymore cuz im not going back to school next semester, but CVS cut my hours just in time to screw me up, with the hours im working ill BARELY make 100 take home a week, and the health insurance (for even part time) is like 23 bucks a week, 23 out of 300 isnt bad but 23 out of 95 is bad.

on top of that, i live in Massachusetts, where on our taxes theres a spot to put in our health insurance card number, they verify it and if it doesnt work, you get a fine of over 900 dollars because its state law in MA to have health insurance....there is NO way i can afford 900 because i dont have health insurance (especially since i cant even afford the health insurance itself!)

i dunno where to go/turn to. i need health insurance now. i was trying to look into getting MassHealth or something, but i cant figure any of it out, i read page after page and everything just swims in my head and i cant even think about it all without getting dizzy.

i feel like im not even myself, i feel like im an unfun, corperate, cold, outer shell of myself and its driving me insane. i cant sleep, i hate eating, i just wanna get out/leave. the snow here is making me crazy, i have panicy thoughts/feelings almost daily. im litterally physically hurting all the time, i feel like the world is just trying to hold me down.


thats part of the reason im so involved with disney, when on the boards, or planning in my notebook, or talking about disney everything just stops. im actually happy and i laugh and smile, nothing really else does that for me, except mike sometimes.


i just want things to go back to the fun way they were, i know i said i wanted things between me and mike to be more serious and more 'married like' but i didnt want it to be so heavy all at once, i was hoping to ease into it a little slower but now were in the thick of it and i feel like im asking about ways to spice up my marriage its kinda weird.


i feel like mikes family looks at me like the young immature little girl and they constantly rag on me and make me feel terrible, then if i say it upsets me, they tell me oh lighten up thats how we do things around here, but when they bother me, i cant tell if theyre joking or serious.


my mind, body and heart hurt.