well, insomnia helps to get more posts out....
not able to sleep the past few days...
I have so much in my head that I want to get out, and say...yet the hands get lazy and the brain gets mushy and incogfognito(thanks, B2U)...
"LIFE" keeps on circling around my head...
especially when we are talking about LIFE in a survivor for SUICIDE forum....
the paradox in itself...
It's funny that today I really gave suicide a good thought...
not that I was thinking about doing it but trying to understand it while wondering my eternal battles with it...
For a brief moment today....death seems the ONLY answer for a few seconds....
I HAD NO IDEA WHY.....
it could be that I've only had about 10 hours of sleep the past few days or that I am constantly hungry....LOL
and no, I am not doped up on drugs....I have stopped taking my pain meds altogether....and I've been taking some sleep aids but it just isn't working...
I am rambling on here...
I really came here to say "THANKS" once again because I am overwhelmed with emotions with you guys...
I DON'T want to go....
I want to be here, with my family.... I don't want to leave my "home"....
I won't want to leave the bunch that I have survived with for so long...
thick and thin, laughters and pains...
I often wondered if I did my job as YOUR friend??
Did I listened enough? Did I said enough? Did I showed enough care?
I am sure I lacked something somewhere but I hope no one will think it's intentional...
it is almost 1am and I am raw with emotions...life really IS good...yet, I am sad...
I am sad that I have to leave and have not said all I wanted to say...how I feel about my family here...
that I didn't say enough to all of you how much I care, feel, love...how grateful, how thankful...
how you have helped me grow....
I miss you guys already....
Sue, 'tis true, I hate to go but I have to....*sniff*sniff
BMW, thanks for the bubbles, I hope we all float high into the sky and reflect the colors of the rainbows...
(and I see those that hit the thanks button...thank you....anyone ever thought it funny that there is "BUTT" in button but it has no butts, and there's "MUTT" in Mutton but it is not a dog??? OK, I am getting too weird, AGAIN!!
)
hey, I just noticed, what happened to the subforum? LOLOLOL (*wink, don't worry, somebody filled me in...I just had to be a little devil and rocked the boat before I go....it's ALL good...LOLOLOL)
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stop "-ist" me!!!!
has anyone noticed that there are a lot of -ists these days??
I always seem to be a magnet for these "-ists"...
opening the door for a woman , got glared by a feminist (would call her a lady but might get decked)
terrified of flying, because of the terrorists...
need to get some medicine, need a pharmacist..
they can't make the drugs, without a chemist...
he said white powDer? Was called a racist...
getting work 2/3rd done, sneered by a perfectionist...
accidentally stared at a girl's boobs, coined as a sexist... (was really looking at her pin, honIst!!)
I'd like to slap her silly, but that would make me a chauvinist...
thought I'd head to the beach, to think about being an empiracalist...
tried to fly a kite, laughed by a physicist...
maybe not empirical, more of a transcendentalist...
grew some grey hair, looked down by an ageist...
that really gets my go, I am now his antagonist
as I age I am told, go see a protoclogist...
aye yi yi, remind me not to be a scatologist...
those California fires, started by arsonist(s)....
the gov't ridiculed , by the cartoonist(s)....
some don't consider them, true artist(s)
who the critics think they are? bunch of no good elitist(s)
I had a roommate, who was a facist
he protested a lot, and was an activist
what used to be communists...are now called socialists....
I tried to very hard to avoid, I tried hard to res-ist...
but never could I, run from these pain in the ***-ists....
and wouldn't you know it, I'd never be forunate enough....
because I have never been able, to run into a nudist...