I have not made this decision lightly, or half heartidly. I have done my research, and I have seen that when I take (unathorized) breaks from the meds, about 2 weeks in, I start to feel better. My skin clears, I can blink my eyes without feeling like the lid is going to rip off my eyeball. I have energy, I can think again!

I have always said that i feel like I catch on a second or so faster than the rest of the world, yet while on C I feel like I am always standing here going "huh?!" I cant get my brain to work!

I would love to hear Freeinhou's research about C. I know it has about a 30% chance of possibly preventing the next relapse, and should that relapse happen, it has about a 10% chance of making it less severe. well, if I keep shooting it has a 100% chance of keeping me house bound, non driving, and itchy skinned, with a fuzzy head full of stuff I cant do anything about.

I LOVE taking care of my house, but I have felt so crappy I have hired girls to come do it for me. I LOVE taking care of my garden, but I havent dug in the dirt in 2 years. I LOVE driving, but havent felt safe while taking this stuff. When I stop taking it, I am raring to go, and actually want to do the stuff I left behind.

I feel like a quitter. I did massive rounds of Chemo and there was a point to it, and a count down. There was a begining, and an end to it. 5 more to go. 4 more to go 3 more to go. you could take the side effects because you knew there was a point, and an end to it. There is NO end to this! Its like being on permenant chemo! I hate to explain it that way, but the fatigue, the nausea, the hair loss, the damage to my poor little body. I want the courage to just stand up and say NO MORE!

The lectures I have received by the medical community have made me feel like I am letting them down. Like I am quitting on them, and they wouldnt have quit on me. That I am being stubborn, and risking life and limb to simply quit one of the best meds available to treat a disease that many begged years, and years to get treatments for. One MD actually said I was giving up on all those that worked so hard to get these meds on the front line of treatment.

My b/d is Friday. I have an appointment on 7/7. I promised myself that I would figure it out by my b/d and put it into play by 7/7. Im just so tired, confused, wrung out.

its hard to quit. cause I am not a quitter.