awesome stuff
calling him on his try
AWESOME!
all of it
one day at a time
love
me

Pam, I'm sure it helps to know DB's brother is looking out for him. I like his attitude.... "not falling on my watch"...

When is DB due to come home?
I would imagine you are counting the days praying he will get thru without even one drop of alcohol. He will be so proud of himself. Of course, he still has to deal with...."one day at a time"......that's a lifetime commitment.

I'm glad you are doing well. I know you have so many physical issues to contend with. Those obstructions are horrendous.

I pray your faith will give you the coping skills needed.


Gerry

A big hurray for DB's brother. He gets it.

Pamela, I reckon that DB and his brother have a lot to feel proud of themselves about.

And, of course, you do as well .

367 days ticked over. DB went home for sleep early last night from his brothers after a long walk up & back down the Mountain Pen y Van in foggy conditions. He had just taken a cuppa & Valium and the phone rang at 10.15. The brother in law at the pub ringing to ask could DB please come to the pub say hi to a few of his old friends and pick up his sister as she paralytic drunk. DB said no, BIL can take his wife home himself, very thoughtless of BIL given DB only spent the morning explaining how hard it is for him to be around pubs & people drinking. DB then spent the next 2 hours agonising over his saying no. It's a first for him back home, while well versed in saying no to me, it's playing havoc on him to have said no to his family.

I've tried to calm him and he's taken another Valium and gone to bed. These are the family members I mentioned I was concerned over. Had he gone, he will have found it hard not to drink, all his old childhood friends there and only the night before contemplating a shandy.

I'm very proud of him to have said no, had I been there I would have got her. It seems the rumours we heard last year of BIL ring dad every weekend to go pick his daughter because she sozzled up were true. Dad stopped driving in March after he ran over the rubbish bins (Parkinson's 1st win for dad) in the side yard. Even though no damage done he took that as the sign it's time for me to be off the road.

As a partner to an alcoholic I'm shocked over BIL choices and actions

Pam,
Hopefully you were able to convince DB he did the right thing saying "no". He's not had to do that to his family. Hate to think of him dealing with the guilt.

Will DB be coming home soon?

Gerry

He leaves on the 7th & gets home on the 9th. By next Saturday when it's time to leave the valleys he will be well & truly ready for home. Guilt will cripple him for the next few days but as hard as it is, it's an eye opener for him, the grass is not greener on the other side & home here is a safer environment. These are his words to me;

1015 just got a call from T asking if I can go to the B to pick G up she is ****** out of her head. I said no I just took a valium (which is true). I was going to stay up M's but I was falling asleep so I came home to have an early night and a lay in. The last thing I want is to be going to pubs and picking up a drunk even if she is my sister. I am a bit annoyed with T, he is like everyone else just thinks of himself, he could of taken her home. Do they not realise I came home to stay away from the drink. I am not strong enough to help others. Love you

Thanks for the update Pam.

My daughter is a substance abuse counselor as well as a mental and substance recovery coach. (She, herself, dealt with addiction.) Your sharing about DB gives me a strong sense and awareness of the difficulty he and so many go through.

You were so right to encourage DB to visit with his Dad and family. He would probably have felt even more guilt had he not taken the trip.


Gerry

DB went up to sisters with dad 1st thing in the morning to see if all ok. No
BIL opted to walk G home, ended up carrying her, got 1/2 way n couldn't any further so left her propped up in the hedge and went on home to get the car, returned to pick said wife up out of the hedge. While trying to put her in the car a passer by thinks hang on this isn't right and calls the police. BIL gets G in car & gets her home, is in process of trying to get her out of car and police arrive. G passed out compeletely now, BIL explains & enlists police help to get said wife into house. Police caution BIL they understand the circumstances and he only drove 200 yards but he has been drinking. BIL will get a fine.
Somehow I think that will be the last time he takes her out. She has a massive cut/bruise down the side of her neck & face no idea how it occurred. BIL no idea either. BIL admitted if DB had of turned up he would have stayed at the pub. Dad said to her do you want to give up the drink, asked her twice, DB asked the same twice. She declined to answer, said she wants to get better so she can go out and drink like normal people. Thinks rehab will allow her to do that. Is in complete denial. BIL started to cry, BIL has been offered counselling but said he doesn't want or need any help. Dad told him do what you've got to do, if you need to leave her then leave her. Dad so upset asked DB to take him home.
DB spent rest of day at brothers, took dad to his lady friend. Both very upset, DB annoyed he allowed dad to talk him into taking him up there, brother told DB & dad it's been like this for years, nothing new, it's why he and his wife no longer have anything to do with them, sad horrible drama every single weekend.
DB more than ready to come home

may this be it
the obsession
slowly being lifted
Heavenly Father
only You know what is in our heart
having to live life
having to feel when one really doesn't want to feel
the obsession slowly being lifted
knowing one cannot go back to what we know will take it all away
when in actuality the hardest stuff like what you just wrote of
having to make the decision not to drink and deal with whatever is coming down the road
he will be coming home to a safe supportive surroundings all a good thing
only he is in his own head
and has to be brutally honest at the situation at hand
one moment at a time
one situation at a time
may he continue his road to recovery
and that means dealing with the hard facts
i started so long ago
we lost our privileges to drinking
and with that comes the real work
and he is walking the walk
one moment at a time
may he remember his tools that are ready for him to exercise
in his daily life on his road to sobriety
you have been his cheerleader this entire
never b******g how hard it is for you
you are stellar in every way
this has been a telling adventure
and he did not pick up
im cheering with you
he will be in your arms soon
take care of you
love
me