I am so grateful to my beloved. When we married, I took my vows seriously, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer etc. DB the same, here we are all these years later, many ups, many downs, but together nevertheless. Pooh to Alenon and those that say you can't help an alcoholic, help yourself and just leave. I get that, I so get they have to help themselves, but to just leave without trying to stay? What if he had left me in my shitty health debacles.

Even now I have some still say you should leave, and in the carers group, there are many who are in the process of leaving, surprisingly while their partner is now in recovery mode. I get love can die, but it can be rekindled. Marriage is a partnership of love and life, I'm not helpless in my love for DB, I'm grateful to my love for him, it helps make me a better person, to see and hear the emotional pain and trauma he went through and ultimately what drove him to "self medicate" is so understandable.

I'm rambling, I'm sorry, this journey is enlightening to us both and I'm in awe of his strength. Many in his group relapsed in the early days, Those in My group are warned and told be prepared for it, we are told there can be no denial, relapse is to be expected but, they say it doesn't have to be permanent. So long as they can commit to the long term program there is hope.

I'm hopeful and I'm in it for the long term, in sickness and in health.

Lots of anxiety this week, DB very depressed and zero energy, it's all he can do to drag himself out of bed to go to work. It's the festive season, everyone is partying and drinking, we are not. We passed by a summer street party last Sunday, he has struggled since, sadly his weekly psych appt yesterday got xld at short notice only he didn't get the notice & he turned up for his 6.45am appt to find all locked up. He says his inner strength is wavering, drink is on his mind every day.

This is the hardest part of maintaining sobriety. Keep the mind preoccupied with games, books, movies, volunteering, cooking, walking, exercise and any other activity that can temporarily overcome those thoughts. When the end of the day comes and sleep ensues then the battle is done for the day.

Icehouse, your comment is most welcome, I will try and have that conversation tonight when he gets home from work. Nothing seems to motivate him right now, he is well and truly down in the dumps and his depression seems at an all time low. I'm going to suggest he try yoga classes over in the next suburb run by a lady who has overcome much adversity.

It may also help to tell him it won't always be this way. After you build some sober muscle, those urges become less and less frequent, and less and less profound. It does get easier. A lot easier.

Also, those urges don't last as long as one might think. Even though it feels like they last ages, they actually last minutes, and if you can either ride them out (and be amazed at how short lived they actually are) or keep your mind busy with something totally different, you can successfully tackle them.

Good luck, the season is not a great time for the newly sober, but it can be done. Also, maybe you can find some inspiration in this article: http://www.soberrecovery.com/recover...-the-holidays/

Sober muscle....lol....that's a good one. Stealing that.

Not been a good week at all. Alcohol not on DB mind at all, if anything he is angry. He has had the week from hell with extensive dental work done in the chair without sedation and still needs more in early January. Has got 20 stitches and his face is swollen like 2 golf balls shoved in his cheeks. And, we got the results of his blood tests. LF is high and he has elevated lipase indicative of something going on with the pancreas. Ultrasound booked for Wednesday. These are the symptoms he has and they are increasingly getting worse since he stopped drinking, they were present in the last months of drinking but masked by the consumption. Extreme fatigue, belching, pain radiates through just above solar plexus, reflux and terrible taste, fever, night sweats, irritable, dark urine, his eyes are not jaundiced but nor are they clear, his skin isn't yellow but greyish colour and big panda black rings under his eyes and nausea. Very fearful of what the results will be.