[BobbyB]

Saying goodbye to Dad
Article from: Sunday Herald Sun

Robyn Riley

August 31, 2008 12:00am

Michael Jacks is not scared of dying. He says having a terminal illness gave him back to his family. Here he shares his experiences as a legacy to his three children.

MICHAEL Jacks is dying. The Melbourne father knows he will soon succumb to motor neurone disease, but says he is not scared.

The internationally-trained chef has accepted his fate.
It was just a bad roll of the dice and I don't want to waste time trying to figure out why, Michael, 48, says.

In some ways, MND delivered me back to my family.

I know what is going to happen. I have accepted that I am dying and I am not angry about that any more.

Michael has few regrets.

I wished I hadn't worked so hard and that I had spent more time with my family, he says.

(But) what you should have done doesn't matter, what's done is done.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Link: Michael's wife Leora speaks
Link: Michael's daughter Timna speaks

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I will miss things: my wife, Leora, and being there to guide my children, to help them.

Michael is an adored father to daughter Timna, 18, and sons Alon, 11, and Deon, 8.

He says his sons are too young to really understand what's going to happen.

We talk about it and I have told my sons I want them to pursue their dreams and to be decent human beings and good people, Michael says.

If they were old enough to ask me for advice, I would tell them to be well-mannered and polite.

I want my children to be happy.

He talks candidly about his life, and dying, the only way he knows how: peppered with humour.

Michael, who bears a resemblance to actor George Clooney, has a contagious laugh that rumbles through his partially paralysed body.

His speech may be slurred, but he makes himself understood. You just have to listen.

He and Leora are in fits of laughter now remembering the time she pushed him into the laundry so their children couldn't see their bear of a father reduced to gulping sobs in the early days after he was diagnosed with MND.

Leora adores her man.

That's right, you were crying so I put my arms around you to muffle the sound and then I eased you into the laundry and closed the door.

They see the look of shock on the faces of those listening and Leora adds quickly: I was in the laundry with him.

This makes Michael laugh even harder.

He laughs, a lot. It is his coping mechanism and the way he helps those around him deal with the fact he does not have long to live.

Ill miss not being able to go camping with my boys, or kick a footy with them, Michael said.

I am sad I am not going to be more involved in what they are doing or be here to guide them and help them.

It is very hard without a father, I know that.

Michael lost his father, Alan, to a heart attack when he was 14.

He says not knowing more about his father encouraged him to leave a legacy to his children so they could better understand who he was after he was gone. So Michael wrote My Life My Food.

It started as a cookbook, because food is his passion, but the book is spiced with his thoughts on everything from food to family and even reincarnation.

He hopes it leaves his readers with a simple message that they should seize the day.

I want people to remember to savour the moment, Michael says.

We get so caught up in working hard and earning money; our priorities are all wrong.

Proceeds will go to the Access Fundraising Group to help raise money for people with disabilities.

It was Michael's father-in-law, Danny Miller, who first noticed something was wrong.

Michael was about to go for a run when he noticed his leg wouldn't follow through. Michael was fit. He used to play hockey and run marathons. He was a big bloke with as much passion for food as he had for life.

And life was good.

He had married Leora in 1994 and had set up a catering business, which was flourishing.

They had the two boys. Michael also had a daughter, Timna, from his first marriage to Debbie.

Too often Michael didn't have time for his children or his wife. Work simply got in the way.

The couple discussed selling the business and taking some time out so Michael could enjoy more of the family time he craved.

That's what he was thinking about as he set out for that fateful run late in 2005.

Danny Miller saw something familiar. He had lost his son, Derek, to MND in 1994.

My brother was diagnosed when he was 24 and then, at the beginning of 1994, Michael and I were told that if we were planning a wedding, it should be sooner rather than later, Leora says.

They made plans to marry in July, but Derek died suddenly in April. He was 32.

So Danny pushed Michael to see his GP. He went the next day, a Tuesday. By Thursday Michael was sitting in a neurologists office.

He went to the appointment on his own, Leora says. We didn't think anything was wrong and I was busy working.

The neurologist didn't sugar-coat the diagnosis. Michael was told what he had and what his chances were.

The text-book definition told Michael he would eventually become paralysed and that his life expectancy was three to five years.

Initially I was in denial, Michael says.

Then I was angry and then I decided I would try to beat this.

By Sunday Michael was in hospital undergoing many tests, but they all came to the same conclusion. He had MND and he would die.

Telling his children was difficult.

I told Alon that I had this illness in my muscles and then I asked him if he understood.

He said, Yes and then there was this long silence before he asked, So, who is playing in the footy this weekend?

That memory still makes Michael smile.

Since last September Michael has lived at the Calvary Health Care Bethlehem hospice in South Caulfield.

In that time 28 people there have died from MND. Michael knows his fate.

He said if given a second chance he would spend more time with his family and on all the occasions when he said, No, I haven't got time, he would say, I've got as much time as you need.

I just want to get out of my chair, wrestle my kids and hug my wife. I miss that. I miss being at home with them.

My Life My Food can be bought at Lenny's, corner Orrong Cres and Inkerman Rd, Caulfield and online at www.mycause.com/michaeljacks. All proceeds will go to Access Inc to raise money for people with disabilities.



http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/sto...0-2862,00.html