Sometimes when a person has OCD he needs professional help. His emotional back and forth, between wanting you with him, then not, is not healthy. He also doesn't really want to get any kind of help, to help the both of you out. The guilt and shame that goes with being close to someone shouldn't happen Libby. That is to be a joyful thing, not one that produces guilt and shame.
Sometimes we pick people to love that are not ready for love, or have too many issues for real love to take hold and prosper. You want a relationship that does not hurt. LOVE does not hurt, it surrounds you and supports you. This man, as much as you might love him, is not showing the responsibility that goes along with a lasting relationship. You have to get rid of the problems, the extra baggage, and for both of you to be healthy emotionally to have the type of relationship that lasts a lifetime.
I walked away from men for 20 years. I just could not pick someone that didn't hurt, or have some real issue that got in the way. I just gave up. Then after I grew up, maybe got a bit of good faith, then I was ready for love to happen. Then it did. I had to fix myself, and make sure the man was stable, before I even considered a friendship to start.
I guess my choice to grow up first, get older, wiser and healthier emotionally was what was good for me. I would rather have 5 blessed years with true happiness, than a lifetime just hanging on to someone that cannot fulfill me, or himself. You have to be full up yourself, so the overflow, can go to someone you really love. Did I make any sense to you? ginnie

He abuses you because he has learned that you will let him. He will not change without you changing. You need to show him that you are a confident, self respecting woman. The best way to do that is to walk away from him. Let him know that you will consider a reconciliation after he gets help. And, make sure he understands that you mean it.

While you are with him your confidence and self respect will wither away until there is nothing left. For you to take control again, you need to be alone for a while. Spend some time reacquainting yourself with you! Spoil yourself a little. Go to empowering classes, yoga, etc. the stronger you are emotionally the easier it will be to help him.

And you might just learn that you are worth much more, deserve someone who will love you in a positive, nourishing way. Currently, what you have with him is toxic. Go away and detox.

Only my advice based on life experience. Feel free to ignore it.