Originally Posted by Brokenfriend

Hello I can completely relate to what has been said. I'm new to this website and forum,and I'm at total lose of what to do. I have been through many theroputic sessions,7 psychiatrists,1 psychialogists,3 churches,three prayer groups,and much theropy.My first panic attack happened when I was about 14,or 15. No one understood then. When I was 18 I drank for relief. I stoped drinking in my late 20's. I've been everywhere,and there has been nothing but one misunderstanding after another. People have made some of the strangest diagnoses that has sent me into a tailspin at times. I have considered suicide. I've tried many medicines. I've been through the phobia clinic's treatment,where they would take me to high buildings,and into crowds,and etc. I also feel a need to confess,and need reassurances from people. Sometimes I ask again to be sure. I have these condemning thoughts.I have these out of control worries,intrusive images,thoughts,and at times immagined feallings somewhat,but I know that they aren't real. Sometimes when someone leans closely to me,I have a repelling fealing,and lean away from them. I don't know why,I sure need a hug. It's almost like a reverse magnetic reaction affect. I have pain in my chest most of the time. It starts in the middle of my chest,and goes to the left under my ribcage. This pain,and uncertainty is what's bothering me the most right now. I didn't use to have it,but it developed over time.I worked myself to death for about 15 years,and I became so disturbed,that I would be up at night with bouts of anxiety,and stress,and there was no relief. I woke up and would have panic attacks immediateley while I was waking up.Sometimes I'm so anxious around people that my knees have stiffened while sitting down,and It's obvious to me when I begin to stand.The list goes on. No one knows what to do for me.My relatives who know me don't know what to do for me.I haven't been through much theropy in the last 17 years because the people who have tried to help me have made so many mistakes. It seems like I've been walking through a maze,and I don't know where to go,or what to do. I'm not working now because all of this has caught up with me. The pain,I'm tired of it all,and I want it to end. I want to end it. This isn't life,it's very much so torment. I cannot get help from Social Security Dissability. They are obviously doing there best to dodge me,and this is another aggrivation,and I'm tired of it all. Is anyone else going through what I'm going through,because I certainly feel like the odd one,yet I'm not. My intelligence is up,but my of how I do things is hindered by the way my mind doesn't process things properly. They thought that I was slow when I was in elementary school in the 1950's. They didn't know anything about my illnesses then,and learning disabilities,and grinding my teeth in my sleep,but they know allot now. Is there anything that they can do for this pain in my chest? This is something that doesn't go away,and It drives me up the wall. It let's up at different times of the day,but it comes right back. Can anyone out there relate to what I've said,and how aggrivated I feel. Just don't hit me with a hammer,and tell me that it's my fault. I'm a good person,and moral,but I'm very aggrivated,because I feel like people have turned their back on me,and I don't know what to do. I have had to move,and this has been hard on me,and I don't know where to go. Can anyone relate to this,or am I in the wrong place.: