This started to happen two days ago and I just want to find some info so I know more about what to do.

The young man is 17, non-verbal (at least until two days ago), and just played video games. Never saw any interacting with outside strangers.

I would see him visiting relatives ( they are my friends). I have seen him in violent stages, banging his head against the walls, running to and fro with no direction and it would take them a long time to get him calm.

He goes to a day program.

Well, two days ago I ran into them while they were waiting for the school bus. Well, I was never so surprised in all my life and I felt I must share this with all of you. This young man has never spoken. I have been in his presence numerous times over the past 7 years and I once asked his brother "Has your brother ever spoken? and the answer was "No, he never speaks"

And when I would look into his eye, THERE WAS NOTHING THERE, if you know what I mean.

Well!!!! two days ago, I approached the grandpa who was holding the young man's hand. I stuck out my hand and the young man held it. I was absolutely amazed. He has NEVER responded to me before. He only responds to his family members (if you can call it responding).

So there I was yesterday morning, having him hold my hand and I just looked up at him (he's over 6'2) and I said "can I give you a hug?" and he grabbed me and hugged me.

Well, to say I was dumb struck is putting it mildly. I smiled a big smile and put my hand on his face (and he let me). I started stroking his face and he let me do that. I was so amazed I can't even describe this. I continued to stroke his face in a calm gentle way and I spoke softly to him.

His grandpa was beaming. I was beaming. I'm sure the heavens were beaming.

So I had to go on an errand, so I politely said goodbye and that was that.

That was YESTERDAY!!!

Well, today you could have knocked me over with a feather.

I go outside, they are standing there and I walk up with a big smile on my face, looked up at him and held out my hand. He grabbed it and we just stood there and held hands. He again let me hug him. Then he said "HI"

He said 'HI!!!!" I looked at the grandpa and there was a smile from ear to ear.

I looked up at him and I said "My name is Melody" and he repeated it. He said 'Melody". Knowing the whole family speaks Italian, I said 'Melodia" I then said "Can you say Melodia?" He said it.

Now here's the kicker.

I asked him his name and he gave me his name (I'm not putting it here for privacy reasons). BUT HE SAID HIS NAME. I have never heard him speak and now he says his name. Absolutely amazing.

I have NEVER heard him speak in the years I have been in his company. All he ever did was play video games and get frustrated and now we are standing outside and he said my name, and gave me his name!!! How awesome is that!!!

I then started shaking his arm and beaming and he starts giggling and he was VERY happy at his accomplishments. He was actually giddy. The grandpa was smiling broadly.

I looked at him and said "you be good in school and have a good day, bye"

And he said "bye".

This is a 17 year old boy who never spoke, was completely non-verbal and THERE WAS NO LIGHT IN HIS EYES, if you get what I'm talking about.

And for two days he's smiling, letting me hug him, he hugs me back and grabs my hand. And he spoke!!!!

Well, if this is not a miracle or something phenomenal, well I don't know what is.

I just want to know if I should be doing SOMETHING different if I see them again? Should I try and engage him more, let him engage me?? I really don't know what to do.

The grandpa does not speak english so there's a language problem and all we really do is stand there smiling, but this young guy said my name, first as Melody, and then as Melodia, and then he gave me his name.

I am still struck speechless over this.

Quite remarkable don't you think? Whatever they are teaching him at this day program, well we are talking PROGRESS here!!!

Just wanted to share.

Melody

Well!!!!!

I'm not familiar with autism, Melody, but I'm sure this young man sensed your sincere friendliness and caring nature. You probably helped him make a tremendous breakthrough. You should be proud!

Well, I am happy and I really have no way of knowing if he began speaking recently or whatever but I definitely know that for YEARS he was completely non-verbal and non interactive and then he goes from being that to inter-acting, and speaking, well I was blown away.

I'll probably run into them again sometime this week. And if he walks over to me, grabs my hand and starts talking, then I'll be on the first plane to Lourdes because that truly would be A MIRACLE. But until that happens (and it might not, or it might, only the guy up there knows for sure), well, I'll happily and calmly approach him, take his hand and let him react in whatever manner he is ready for at that moment.

It's all about not frustrating an autistic person right? Not overloading them sensory wise and not stimulating them (at least this is what I've read).

So if anything NEW happens, I'll be sure and update on this thread.

Thanks a bunch for the nice words

Melody

that's not true, while some have sensory issues that cause them to easily be overstimulated, others don't have these issues, or have the opposite, and look for stimulation. But this shouldn't influence your social response to anyone, because most people on the spectrum do indeed enjoy being social regardless of the sensory issues.

About the being non verbal, most people who are on the spectrum are able to speak and say many words, even if someone says they are "non verbal". Most parents use it to say that there child doesn't speak, as in not being able to have a conversation. While the exact meaning is individual to the person, most don't use it to mean that the person has never verbally said a word before. I can say with a certain amount of certainty that he does at least say words, even if this is the first time you ever heard him. Just saying, a lot of people understand "non verbal" to mean "mute", having never talked, when most of the time it is not the case.

Being autistic and non verbal also doesn't affect intelligence, so he might actually be thinking your being silly asking him if he can say his name and these similar type of questions
Many who are non verbal totally understand what others are saying, but might not be able to respond verbally.

I am not always able to speak using my voice, and I am almost always never able to speak to people I don't know. I totally understand what people are saying to me, just not able to get my brain to get my thoughts out in speech. When I cant speak, and I need to say something, I use alternative forms of communication, like my communication device (fancy laptop that talks), or sign language, or various other forms of communicating.

If he is non verbal, he might use some other form of communication that your not aware of, or that you might not be able to understand

You might be surprised at how intelligent he is if you find the best way to communicate with him

Okay, I get what you are saying. I actually have no idea if he is understanding everything I say. But this communication between he and I was a first.

I have spent MANY occasions visiting with his family. All this young man has ever done is sit in another room and play multiple levels of playstation or some other video game. And he never spoke. He would just rock, and grunt. And many times he would bang his head against the wall and someone would stop him and just bring him back to the game. Also I have seen him bang on the table, and throw food and open up soda bottles so they would explode.

But he has NEVER said one word. As the summer comes up and more people will be sitting outside, I will try and find a way to see what he actually can do (without being intrusive or asking anyone any questions). It is absolutely not intention to intrude into this family's personal business even though I am friendly with the grandparents.

When I first met this young man years ago, one of the family members said "severely autistic, non verbal" and then I spoke to the brother and he also said "he has never spoken".

So it just might be that the day program he has been in, well, they are working on that aspect. COMMUNICATION. and inter-action.

And the fact that when I tried to interact with him before (years ago) by saying hi to him, and he never had any recognition in his eyes. It was like he was looking through you instead of recognizing your face and interacting with you. Now he is doing that.

I think this is remarkable. And here's a question. I read that autistics love puzzles and sometimes they see life as in numbers and puzzles and math.

Now I have no idea if this is going on in this young man's brain, but the fact that he plays video games (and hits the highest levels), and he can do this for 10 hours a day sometimes, what does this mean.

Do you have any idea what is going on in this young man's brain?

I'm just trying to learn here, not fix him, or intrude.

Please know this. The family is very nice and I see them often.

Thanks if you can help clear this up for me.

Mel

I think one of the points I was trying to get across is that everyone is different. No two people with autism are the same. Even if what we all have in common is a very loose set of symptoms that make up the definition of "autism", each person has various different issues to varying degrees. In the simplest definition, autism is a impairment in social interaction. Along with that social impairment might be anything from a infinite list of various issues, of any degree. Some people you might never be able to tell have autism, while others might not ever be able to talk or fully take care of themselves.
Many people use "low functioning" or "high functioning" to describe people with autism, but even then, it really doesn't describe much, because all people with autism are different. I use "high functioning autism" to describe myself, but only to say that autism affects me to a less degree then many, but it probably affects me more then most with asperger syndrome. Even so, that doesn't tell anyone the things I have issues with, and the label of autism alone, doesn't tell you much of anything about a person.

I am HORRIBLE with math, so much so that this is a big issue for me. I have trouble with anything math and numbers, like money, shopping, managing my bank account, etc.
The idea that people with autism love math and puzzles, etc, those are all stereotypes. You will find just as many who are bad with math and puzzles as are good with them. Stereotypes dont work, so it might be helpful to get rid of any stereotypes you might have. We are not all rainman, and I wish I could say I am some sort of mathematical genius, but I am not

The only thing it means, is that he likes video games . Of course it can mean other things are going on, but we have no way of knowing what those things are, and since we are not trying to figure out why, we can only say that he enjoys playing video games.

I don't have a clue, all I can do is relate to someone with similar experiences as me. The only people who might know what is going on in his head, are his parents or anyone really close to him.

Obvious you could read about autism, but I think the best thing you could possible do, is drop any stereotypes you have about autism, and treat him with respect, be kind and caring, what your already doing

to add to what I said, about the playing video games 10 hours a day, while I cant say I know why he does, I know that for many people who are not very social, or have trouble with social stuff, usually have tons of time to spend doing whatever interests them. This is true for anyone, not just people with autism.
I am not a very social person and most of my friends are people I ride with. I compete at the pro level in cycling, and am able to, not because I am exceptional in anyway, but because I dont have a job or much of a social life, so can easily devote 6 hours a day to training

He might be in the same situation of being really good at video games because he spends 10 hours playing them, with very few other things to think about

First Thank you roadrunner for so much information.

It has also helped me. I advocate for yound people with autism. So learning anything I can helps.

Melody, I personally think you are doing what is best to learn more about
this young man. One thing I think that would be good for you to do to learn
more about him, and maybe others with autism would be to go visit the
day treatment center he goes too.

But mainly because many of the young people that go to these center's can
use friends that will work with them so they can do other things in society.

My son Derrick will be going into a day treatment center, along with working
at his job in the next couple of years.
And I know that if people in this world take the time to learn what makes
him and his friends tick they will enjoy them.

Donna

Hi. I shall try and learn as much as I can. No one who speaks english comes out in this type of weather. But in the spring, other family members visit, and people usually sit and chat and if I see a family member (only if the boy is there), and I strike up a conversation, I might say "I notice how well he is doing, it must be the day program he attends", and then if I get a positive response from that statement, maybe I can push a bit. If I get any type of silence or wall, it will be apparent that no one wants to go in that direction. You know what I mean.

It's very hard for family members to discuss a family member who might be challenged. I've been in their company MANY times and no one, absolutely no one, spoke about him. I tried to once, a long time ago, and no one bit, so just in case, don't think I didn't try. I ALWAYS try.

For example, there is a lovely young man named Robert who is now 25. I know him and his mom for almost 20 years. He has downs syndrome. Years ago, I used to dress up for Halloween and he would come trick or treating and I'd make him smile.

I run into him and his mom from time to time. I'll never forget when they came down my block once. I walked down my porch, put a big smile on my face, yelled "Robert, you look beautiful". He absolutely beamed, and he came over to me and gave me a big hug. That was the first time I had ever done that. So after that, whenever I see him out with his Mom, I make a point of making eye contact and talking to him. He'll smile (he has never spoken). He's a very calm pleasant soul who makes you want to give him hugs. (I'm always hugging him, calling him Big Guy), He seems to like this. He loves basketball games and various things on tv. His mom always chats me up and we discuss him and his day program.

We really are our brother's keeper. At least I try to be.

Melody

Melody

You are giving this young man's mother a gift. Someone to talk to about
her son. That doesn't judge. From someone with kids with disabilities
thanks.

Its a rare person that can see this need and act.

Donna