[Mari]

Hi,
I think I am sleep deprived and depressed because normally I ignore the holidays (all of them).
Hubby and I do not do ANY of the holidays except some years we do each other's birthdays.



I've been thinking about my parents more lately and how distant in place we are. I feel that I should try to connect with them more.



M.

[waves]

I am sorry you are feeling guilty. I get that way too - this year I am - when i feel like i don't have the energy to invest that would make others happy.

Last year i was stressed, but didn't have the guilt, because i managed to get some gifts etc, just a few, to my parents basically and one friend. Friends get gifts randomly from me and they know it. They also know that i can't afford shipping costs from here, so i am not expected to. Still, i sometimes feel badly that i can't find something to do for others who i know are more into the holiday thing. Fortunately our relatives have all caught on that my family nucleus no longer does gifts. LOL exception, one year i was hypo and bought EVERYBODY EXPENSIVE gifts. But, I digress.

I wonder if you can, without specific reference to the holidays, perhaps send your parents a little card, or call them more frequently than you would. If they celebrate a holiday, you could call them on that day. you needn't bring up the holiday, just connecting on that day would be a gift in itself, i am sure.

I am just thinking... one gesture. pick a simple one that doesn't stress you out. Holidays are traditionally family time, and i am wondering if this is bringing out an actual desire, not just guilt, to be closer to your family than you are. Maybe not a lot closer. Maybe just a little. I don't know. Just a thought.

Anyway try to take it easy. Whatever you do - or even if you do nothing - it will be ok. Your family is still your family. This is a stressful time.



~ waves ~

[bizi]

This is a stressful timeof the year.
People are already out in droves shopping so traffic is heavier.
WE will be traveling about 3 1/2 hours to our friends house for thanksgiving, staying in a hotel. They are wonderful people.
WE are sending gift cards this year and probably doing that each year after. It is too stressful shopping and we live so far away that we are out of touch. I won't be going to IN this year as I am taking a cruise with a girlfriend of mine. Jeff understands as do my in-laws and brother in-
law. so I am thankful that they understand. Family dynamics were important in this decision. Maybe next year I will go to IN.
What I would like to do is to contribute $500 to "buy" a heifer for a village thru the heifer organization. This seems like a better use of our resources than gifts especially when we all have too much stuff already.
Last year we "bought" a flock of geese for my father in law, he did not understand.~sigh
bizi understanding the increased stress....

[BlueMajo]

Dear Mari,

I dont know about you, but personally, Ive found that guilty is a horrible feeling... It makes me really sick and it is terrible for my health, so, if I were you, I would do anything that would help me stop feeling guilty...

[Mari]

Originally Posted by waves

Holidays are traditionally family time, and i am wondering if this is bringing out an actual desire, not just guilt, to be closer to your family than you are. Maybe not a lot closer. Maybe just a little. I don't know. Just a thought.

Dear Waves,
You said it right. I wish to be closer to my family.
We are scattered to the four winds.
I really don't think any one of them wishes to be closer to me, but I do miss them.
I don't think I have guilt even though that is what I wrote.

M.

[Mari]

Dear Beth,
I really do not do the holidays at all.
Last year the ONLY gesture I took toward the holiday was to add cash for the little end of the year present for the secretary at work.
Otherwise I did nothing for the holidays.
Still, I get stressed and I don't know why.
I find the decorations in the stores annoying, the traffic a mess, . . .
I think this year hubby and I might have Thanksgiving and New Year's at my friend's house..(I sort of owe her a favor or lost a bet I'm not sure which.)
I will be expected to contribute to the Thanksgiving meal by going shopping with her to buy the ingredients but I do not plan on cooking anything.

Originally Posted by bizi

Last year we "bought" a flock of geese for my father in law, he did not understand.~sigh
bizi understanding the increased stress....

Oh that is so disappointing.
We want to give gifts that people appreciate.

A hotel for Thanksgiving and then a cruise around Christmas time sounds great.
M.

[Mari]

Dear Majo,
This is such good advice.
I think I do not have much guilt. But I probably do have some, otherwise I would not have not put that in the title of the thread.

Originally Posted by BlueMajo

Dear Mari,
It makes me really sick and it is terrible for my health, so, if I were you, I would do anything that would help me stop feeling guilty...

It is ok that this made me laugh a little?

You're right --- that guilt can be horrible on health.
I want good health.

M.

[BlueMajo]

As long as you laugh, I think of course it is ok !!!

But really... those voices talking in our heads (guilt), saying "Do this... or, dont do it BUT...etc... (you know what I mean) can really drive me paranoid, anxious, etc... = Bad for my health...

So, seriously... I will now quote Paulo Coelho... "If it is stuck in your head, you should take the risk"... So, if you are wondering about your parents... CALL THEM !!! That's what I wanted to say...

[Dmom3005]

I am cutting back on spending for the grandkids this year. Yes, I've spoiled
them the last few years. And really don't have the money this year.

So I'm working hard to find the perfect gifts for each one. That wont cost
a arm and leg. I have done pretty good for each but the oldest so far.

But this digresses from the thread thought.

We stopped buying for my family and my husbands in the last couple of
years. But we bought a game for one family last year. And this
year were talking about buying a movie on my side. I like the idea of
one item for the whole family.

My husband's side we stopped many years ago, I need to figure out
something we can do to make a small gesture again.
I'm thinking maybe Derrick and I will make them cookies or something
this year.

He loves to make them. And it sounds like the perfect thing.
Its also something we do for my side when we go.

Donna

[bizi]

I was going to send the makings for gumbo but then thought that it was too much to ask someone to spend 3 hours making the gumbo.....I was going to actually send gumbo but that got too complicated also....so gift cards it is.
bizi