I am so sorry about your step daughter....my brother took his life at age 32.
It is devestating to the family.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
ya know there is a survivor of suicide forum here at neuro talk.

Suicide
 

I am very sorry about your brother. It's a pain that never really ends.

hi
 

hi Pam

i feel for you with all that is going on. just wanted to let you know i am here and that you matter. i am sending you good thoughts. keep sharing if it helps. we will listen. (((hugs)))

~ waves ~

low pole
 

Hi Everyone,

I'm really on my low pole. Feel like giving up. Accidentally washed my husbands cell phone and ruined it. Feels like a tragedy instead of a dumb mistake. I hate being so low. I've been on sooo many meds. Taking Zyprexa (which does wonders for my chronic pain), Ultram and Baclofen & Trazadone. Every antidepressant I have tried has made me really anxious.

Do most of you have suicidal thoughts? It sounds so inviting to shut my brain off. But my husband needs me. Just rambling I guess.

Pam

Coach

You need to find your self some help. Please find someone to help
you.

Donna

Dear Pam,

I have thoughts relating to depressing but not to S thoughts.
Almost 2 decades ago I decided to stop thinking of those thoughts.
For some people it can be about making a decision.
My current tdoc explained this to me -- that some make a choice and stick with it -- that from now on they are going to live -- and they don't go back and revisit the options.

I know that not everyone is the same.

Just a note about suicide.
My office mate tried to take his life using pills.
Even though he was a work colleague (not a friend) that I had seen outside of work about 14 times over the 11 years that we shared office space, his botched effort has very much affected me.

I went through the things that other survivors go through: sadness, anger, guilt, . . .
It is a horrible thing to the people left behind.
(He lived but suffered brain damage.)
And that office is still not quite right even though I spent year and a half getting rid of his stuff, having the place painted, redecorating, bringing in plants, .
Some people who visit my office can feel the bad energy. (Leaving out the details for now . . . . )

Mostly, it is a horrible thing to do to one's self.

I know that you are just rambling.
I hope it is ok that I wrote that.
M.

I hope you do have someone in "real" life to talk to.
Do you have a therapist to help you deal with some of your lows?
that is the thing about this illnedd there are 2 definate poles and many other feelings inbetween that people go thru/deal with....experience if that makes sense.
I am sorry you are feeling so low.
we need you here, keep posting we are listening.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Thanks
 

Hi

I appreciate your concern and feedback everyone. I don't have a therapist and I can't afford one right now. I doubled up on my trazadone and I feel better today. It's such a balancing act.
I will try not to entertain thoughts of suicide when I feel overwhelmed.

Dear Pam,
It is good to hear from you again.
I was writing about my personal experience. I hope I did not across as annoying.

I'm glad that the extra trazadone is helping you today.

M.

Dear Pam
 

I am glad you are hanging in there and that the trazodone is helping.

If you find yourself thinking suicidal thoughts, first thing to do is remind yourself they are just thoughts. Having them does NOT mean you need act on them. Also, having the thoughts does not mean you are bad person or anything like that. So do not guilt yourself about it. These thoughts are a manifestation of psychic pain, period.

Sometimes choosing simply to "not think about" something can be hard. It can be a bit easier if you try to think about some other (specific) thing, instead. You can prepare yourself ahead of time, if it helps, by writing down some topics to contemplate. Then when the dark thoughts cross your mind you can try saying to yourself, "hello, dark thoughts, here you are again, but now, i am going to think about [pick something on your list]." Realize that you may find yourself having thoughts of suicide again and again and each time, you will need to go through this going past the thoughts and on to different ones. That is ok... it is a process, a new thinking process... in time, it will get easier and you will "find yourself" having dark thoughts less often.

Another technique is put the thoughts in the trash.... actually visualize them going into a nearby trash can. And then, focus the attention on some immediate aspect of one's physical surroundings. One always has physical surroundings luckily, so even if it is very mundane, it can also be very grounding and safe to do this.

These are just some techniques. I hope they can be useful for you. If not, maybe you will have some other ideas. Different things work for different people. I too wish you could afford a therapist. But since you can't have one right now, please do remember that there are help-lines you can call at times when you really need to have a real human at least to talk to. they are listed in this sticky thread on our forum - here is the link:

crisis & hotline numbers

do not hesitate to call if you feel the need. it's what they are there for.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~