i wish i knew what more to say or had some suggestions for you... i feel so useless but i wanted to let you know i care, and send you a big hug anyway, i hope that is ok.

(((MEGAHUG)))

love

~ waves ~

(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

thanks so much. i got really down and i needed these
bobby

I hope that you are feeling better. These feelings have given you a hard time. I hope that you feel comfort deep down. BF

thanks...i seem to be feeling worse....now I am haunted how my parents psychologically used to beat me up. I am also dreading the doctor's appointment on the fourteenth. i have been sobbing a lot...almost crying...also i have been angry a lot...and isolating myself...and not sleeping much...

Bobby, this sounds so difficult.
I wish I could help you.
Mar

you sound miserable bobby,
what has helped you thru these rough places before....
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

God....time...i just took a bubble bath...that often helps..i just tried calling an old friend but he changed his cell phone so now i can't reach him...rats...
then i figure it is good that i felt the pain of how badly my parents beat me up...how else will i heal? also i came to the conclusion a few days ago it isn't good to think about death...when you are near death you will be prepared...when you aren't..your thoughts are distorted...
bobby

these are some very wise words. i hope these perspectives are helping you to feel more at ease with yourself... even just a teenzy bit.

can i share something with you that helped me / is helping me tremendously, insofar as sleep quality, anxiety and overall mood? maybe it could help you too... something to think about anyway:

i used to be a ferocious coffee drinker. i backed off somewhat when i started the benzo taper. but when i got messed up because of ripping out too much benzo too soon (depression, fatigue, insomnia, poor quality sleep, plethora of anxious symptoms including attacks + depersonalization + derealization + misc. physical symptoms) i totally quit caffeinated anything. no coffee no tea no nothing. i started sleeping more, but not only, i started sleeping WELL. and actually felt CALM like i hadn't other than on Zyprexa but this was even better. i had moments of peace, not just calm, you know?

i was incredulous because i never took any heed when some people would tell me to try quitting caffeine totally - i am an avid coffeeholic. i always figured, if i didn't have any past mid-afternoon, it wouldn't interfere with my sleep, right? WRONG. after i stabilized i went back to moderate levels of coffee and after a few days saw a dramatic change in sleep... produced a fatigue-insomnia-poor-sleep type thing, that also made me irritable all day. well so now i basically have NO caffeine for the first several days after i reduce my dose... and no more than a half cup of coffee with caffeine (i pad it with decaf, and drink full decaf the rest of the time). sometimes only 1/4 caf.

i know you are not in a taper or anything like that. but all i am thinking is, since anxiety and sleep are two big issues... possibly pulling out all or most of the caffeine you have (i am assuming you still drink caffeinated coffee? i know you used to...). even if you think you are used to it... i was too. but boy... the difference is amazing.

anyway. something to consider. i hope you will though, i think it's worth a shot.

mind you, i still love my coffee - i didn't have any at first, but then started having decaf. it is possible to get good decaf, whether you brew it or have instant.

take care sweetie.

love

~ waves ~

how can i give up my coffee and caffeine...my favorite inanimate thing in life...you are right... i have to try decaf...ugh..nightmares.
love you
bobby