Waves, I know this must be a hard time for you. And what is a nespresso maker?

barbara

we arrived over there yesterday at 5pm, and left at 5pm today - just 24 hours later... but what a packed 24 hours! i feel like a whole week elapsed!

for now wanted to say hi, and that we made it back. everything went well, we even got to spend a bunch of time with the relatives after the funeral, and it was good. i want to go back and see them in less drastic and less rushed circumstances.

have more to add, but i am pooped.

my feet are completely wrecked: toes ripped up and feet swollen like sausages up to the ankle. never seen them like this... but hey, my sesamoids don't hurt AT ALL!!! WOW. my lumbar area hurt bad too but i ate some indomethacin for that, and put it to bed, so to speak.

but i do need to rest up and mull things over a bit. i will be back tomorrow.

it was really helpful to have you guys "along" on the trip and just here during this time. i am very grateful for all of you.

talk to you tomorrow.

~ waves ~

Waves

I'm so glad you got home safely. Enjoy your night. And we will be here
when your ready to talk.

Donna

yey!
you did it!
and you got to spend some time with them andit sounds like you were ok with that and want to go back!
I am happy for you!!!
bizi

Dear Waves,
I'm happy to see you home safe and sound.

M.

Waves
Glad you are home! I hope everything went alright for you over there. Get some rest, you deserve it with all of the stuff you did in such a short time period!

collinsc

i have had a lot of emotions going on and i feel very confused.

~ waves ~

just be very kind and nurturing to yourself...death is a very biggie and Attie is always saying that we bipolars don't have defense systems....the emotions come fast and furious....
REMEMBER YOU ARE LOVED....
Love you BOBBY

Dear Waves,

It takes us longer to recover from those things you went through: travel, extended family, a funeral.
I hope that you are ok.

M.

it is the death... not the travel not the family not the funeral. the death. the disappearance.

GUILT. ANGER. ANGER. GUILT.

SADNESS

REMORSE

lots of other things too, but those are huge and seem to make everything else all muddled, including relations within my immediate family right now.

i wish my mother would just shut her mouth about why my other uncle didn't come. he has health problems, just leave it at that. why dig in the dirt.

i have enough dirt on my hands.

the big dirt is i have been here now for 10 years and never went to visit my uncle. there were times when it would have been possible for me, financially and everything. but at various times i could not go because i allowed myself to be influenced by others (esp, my dad)

-- when i first came, he had had a falling out with both brothers, so screw the fact that i lived across the ocean all my life and had not had realistic opportunity before, he would have been contrary to my going, even by myself.

-- later, it was this that or the other. but i can sort of boil it down to "you cannot stay with them because it will inconvenience them, and you cannot NOT stay with them because it will offend them... at some point we can all go then it will be different..." (and of course we didn't).

MY DAD DIDN'T WANT ME COMING TO THE FUNERAL AT FIRST, BECAUSE THE TRIP WAS A BIG ENOUGH HASSLE AND HE DIDN'T "WANT ADDITIONAL PROBLEMS."

ME = PROBLEMS.

my mother (who never shuts up and in this case it was handy) pointed out that i was going to feel left out. DUHHHHHH. i had said ok, if i was going to be in the way i would not insist. i knew mom was only going because of dad's meds. but she is different than me about this stuff. it would not BOTHER her not to go.

it had ALREADY bothered me for a long time not going to visit. it bothered me when he was alive. but i always felt caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.

this is not the stuff i said i had to post about. there is some good stuff with my cousins, but that also heightens the remorse at not going before. i wish i had just ignored everyone and risked "offending them." and actually if had one of my cousins - married 2 children - might even have offered to put me up and it wouldn't even have been a big deal at all, and then there would have been nothing to get offended about either.

~ waves ~