FYI
I just wanted to let you all know how much I love my life! Ha! I have a wonderful man who just keep finding me on the floor in random places in my house. He carries me to our couch where I just sleep for hrs. I have my stepson who has been through the worst of it! He has found me in a puddle of blood when I have passed out and split my vagina open!
I have had 2 pass out spells today, one at 3:30 am and one at 10:30 am! I hurt! But yet I love these pass out spells! Let me paint you a picture of all the wonderful things they have done for me!

1) They have stripped me of all my self dignity!
2) They have caused me to lose what ever sanity I might have had!
3) They have given me fear to walk around my own home!
4) They have made sure that I am so afraid to walk down stairs and if I have no choice then I am petrified the whole time I am doing it!
5) They have taken away any kind of control I feel I might have over my own life!
6) They have finally taken away my ability to drive!
7) They have taken away any kind of independence I may have ever had!
8) This one kind of goes along with #2, They have made it impossible for me to stop feeling sorry for myself!
9) They have managed to make me scared to be alone!
10) They have made it so I am afraid to go out in public!

These are just a few samples of the wonderful thing these syncope episodes have given me! Oh and I love how there isn't a doctor in this area that can figure out what is wrong with me and how the hell to fix me! That is just another wonderful reassuring thing these pass out spells have given me!

I live in fear every day, and I just wish people would stop telling me to move on and to stop thinking about it! Are they falling down and hurting themselves? Are they getting any of the 10 wonderful things I listed for you? I am tired, scared and I hurt, but make sure you say you are doing just fine an your life is wonderful, because if you don't then you get a nice 11 day visit to a psych hospital! That helped me so much! 11 days well spent!

collinsc