i started hyperventilating this morning. i don't know what is happening to me.
i started to pray a lot and ask for courage. i know i shouldn't worry about luc's barking because that is up to him and possibly the shock collar when it comes if he needs it. i don't think i am nervous about going to the cardiologist this afternoon because he told me the results of the tests three months ago. i don't even know why i have the appointment
i am a mess. at least i took a bath this morning. i am rereading rabbi nachman's short book courage
bobby

Dear Bobby

i hear you.

you have been under a lot of stress and this afternoon you are going out. to a medical appointment. which may seem small when you know your results and that you are ok, but when we are under stress, even relatively small things can produce big reactions.

you will be ok. this afternoon will come and go. for now, maybe try some slow breathing and counting exercises to settle your rhythm a little. breath in counting 4 seconds, out 6 seconds. even slower if you can, but 4/6 is good.

also try to fill your belly first then lungs. then exhale emptying your lungs first, then belly.

you can combine the belly breathing and the counting, or just do one or the other.

love you

~ waves ~

Dear Bobby,
I'm writing late in the day after your appt. I hope that maybe the cardio appt was helpful to you in some way.

M.

thanks
the cardiologist said that my stress test results were fine and i don't have to come back. he was very friendly and when i said i tend to isolate he suggested yoga and buddism. yoga in this area is expensive. i saw a place for buddism.
the negative thing was i taped Luc with my flip video cam when i was gone and he intermittently barked and whined the whole time i was gone. I hope the shock collar works. i have read so much on separation anxiety. I don't have the energy and youth to give him strenuous exercise......i can't tell you how precious he is....
bobby

Dear Bobby,
That's interesting about the cardio suggesting Buddhism. Yoga is expensive here too -- unless one belongs to a gym or takes a class at the adult ed center. I did yoga two terms at a nearby Jewish Community Center a long time ago. Buddhism is probably free --- or close to it.
M.

that is interesting about yoga. i am pretty sure i made the decision to rehome luc. I am so sad. I talked to the woman last night. after viewing the flip video and seeing Luc carry on for forty one minutes I can't deal with his separation anxiety and i will get in trouble with my building. also i can't provide him with the exercise he needs and deserves and it is pretty selfish of me to deprive of this. i also have some trouble with my balance which i think is caused by pernicious anemia and that worries me when i am out with him. I almost lost it four times already and i haven't taken him for that many walks. I couldn't sleep all night. i know i am making the right decision and a couple of friends will probably disown me. oh well. if they do they are not friends. as if i am not hurting enough
bobby

I am sorry for your sufering bobby,
the shock collar could help things alot why not wait until it arrives and you can try it out. give yourself a few extra days.....
jsut a thought.
bizi

but there are so many factors. what about my sense of balance? what about my not giving Luc the exercise he deserves? what about his getting bigger and then being able to reach the cat food? i don't want to give him up and i am crying right now and want to back down but i think it would be selfish of me to keep him. I think it would be better if i thought of myself as a rescuer of him from being crated for four months and being a foster mother in order to find a home that is more ideal. it hurts so much but i really think i would be so selfish if i kept the puppy
bobby

Dear Bobby,
You can be his rescuer. You did do that.

Puppies can be challenging and some puppies more than others.
Is there any dog person who can come over and work with you and Luc once or twice for free? Is any one of your animal friends hooked into a network? Most dog people would want the dog and you to work out.
M.

I hope you are not trying to be the perfect dog owner.
the fact that you love him and take good care of him is important.
I like Mari's idea.
You will be able to walk him better with time as he gets use to the collar and leash. and you will get better with time too.
You are being very hard on yourself.
It has not been that long since you first met him.
I wish you some peace....
I know that you love him and want what is best for him....
bizi:hug: