So am up now, have tried to go back to sleep. No go. i wear a cpap mask and i can't do it anymore. feels like someone has their hands over my mouth and can't breath, actually started a few days ago. i try, but i can't keep it on.
slept for 1 hour 45 min which is about right. It's like 11:30 pm and i know i will be up for hours. i have been writing and writing and writig and then realizing maybe i shouldn't write so much cause i don't know if I can tell T some of that stuff, and then again i have gone in there and said things and she said jen you have already told me that so please don't worry and I am not here to judge you in any way shape or form. So obviously she knows a lot more than i thought i told her.
Well, going to take something for this horrible headache and try again to just lay and relax, and maybe listen to something relaxing.
hugs to all, and hope you all have sweet dreams.
jen

Dear Jen,

It sounds like you have a good tdoc.

I hope your headaches abates.

M.

in consideration to the mania that you sound like you are experiencing....have you ever tried zyprxa? it is a good anti psychotic medication that can really help and help you sleep. maybe you could take it short term to get you some sleep.
ask your pdoc about it to see if it might help you
bizi

I wonder if you just give your Tdoc what you write and let her read
it in her own time. Say and then just then talk about the things in
what she reads that she sees a real need to discuss right then.

So that way what has already been discussed can be put to the side
for a while. She can always take time to say we will discuss this
if you need to. But its something we have idscussed beofre.

Donna

yes i have been on zyprexa, and i have no clue what it was like. Do you think I am in a manic state? because I sure don't feel like that, don't even know what one of those feels like actually.
Finally everyone here is gone and am home alone till friday evening, and already the tears have started. thanks again,
jen
I am not sure if i am going to give her what i have written, it is like 16 pages hand written, a little too much i think, and some is very repetative. I am sure she would want to read it, but I don't know right now.
I only got about 1.5 hours or maybe a little more of sleep again last night and my head is pounding, and I can't think straight right now. I see her tomorrow so now use of calling her and telling her how i feel.

Dear Jen,
Bring her everything you wrote.
Let her decide what parts she wants to read.

I think right now you do not need the stress of trying to make a decision about what to give her. Give her the whole stack of pages. She is a professional. She'll manage.

M.

But what if I write more, i mean there could be 20 pages or something like that. I don't expect her to read them, and I just wrote a huge thing last week. I am at a loss right now, i have so much inside but don't know if i should keep writting or just let it sit. I am so conflicted on the inside right now. So tired, yet i can't close my eyes.
I am home alone now for 3 days at least till friday late afternoon and it is so nice, and peaceful and i don't have to worry about keeping up the front for people.
thanks again everyone, you have been so kind to me and it's nice.
jen

Dear Jen

nobody (not even a doc) can diagnose you over the net. did your pdoc evaluate you for bipolar? you mentioned in an earlier post that you are not bipolar, so i thought he had already ruled that out, is that not the case?

as far as simple impressions go...

no you don't sound manic to me. i find your posts to be very coherent, especially considering the sleep deprivation! if you were manic or even hypomanic i would expect you to be more rambling and/or more scattered in thought process... if that is happening it is not coming across to me in your posts.

mania is associated with lack of sleep yes, but lack of sleep alone does not constitute mania. sleep deprivation can trigger mania IF someone is bipolar. furthermore, lack of sleep per se is not considered a manic symptom by the DSM, which lists decreased need for sleep as a manic symptom - i.e. feeling rested after only 3 hours. from everything you say, you feel anything but rested!!! so, it sounds to me like you have insomnia plain and simple and the sleep deprivation that ensues. depression, irritability, difficulty concentrating are 100% normal symptoms for sleep deprivation.

do you know for what reason you were given the Zyprexa? that is curious because Zyprexa is not typically given for depression unless there are unusual features. it is also used in bipolar as a mood stabilizer.

as for your journal, i would say stop writing at some point - maybe a couple hours before you go in? basically, give yourself time to take stock, read through what you wrote ONCE and decide what you want to share with her. if you are still not sure or can't concentrate doing that, just hand her the lot and don't worry - she can skim. i hope you will talk to her about the sleep situation and that you guys can step down from the intense stuff for a while, until your sleep is straightened out.



~ waves ~

Just keep remembering that she is the professional and technically a friend
if she is good. So I would say she will know what to do if you hand her
all the pages. Just write out all the frustrations so you can get over them.

I hope you can find a way to get some sleep. I think just laying down
and relaxing can be good too sometimes.

Donna

I have been evaluated and have a few diagnosis none of which are bipolar. So I think that the docs are/were just grasping at straws. I have been on lithium before too, but that didn't last long because i became toxic very soon and became very sick. So i have been on a lot of meds, and I think the docs don't know wha to do next.
I have stopped writting, 19 pages, and I don't know if am going to bring in yet, i might just give to her and say read when you can, but it was her that wanted me to write, i just didn't know iwas going to write that much.
Well, we are under a tornado warning here so i guess i better pay some attention to the wind and rain and the sirens that are now going off.
thanks everyone,
jen