When I came home from Yoga tonight, hubby had cleared out much of the living room. It looked liveable without so much crapp there. I told hubby we could have stayed here in this tiny place if we could have found a way to box up the stuff and haul it off earlier.

I am really hoping that the new place -- read BIGGER place -- will help me change my mood. I want to feel ok.

The hypnotist and dr of chinese med have both been telling me that my sleep issues are getting resolved. The hypnotist recently kind of told me to "go to bed" and quit staying up. All I have to do is actually go to bed and my sleep issues will be more or less over. So I am not sure why I am holding on to not sleeping at night and only wanting to sleep in the day time. And then being barely able to function at work or with anything else. Why would I sabatoge sleep? Why deny myself the restorative properties of sleep. On some work days I get 4 hours of sleep. What, am I stupid??


Sleep got worse when hubby moved in.
He and I were great for 10 years together when we lived an hour a part. Then we got married and he moved in here a few months later. And my life has in some ways gotten worse since we started sharing space and stuff.
I think I don't adjust to change very well. Understatement of the year. I stink at change. I wish I could join a contest for stinking at change. I could win that.


Mari

when packing all my stuff i found so many little things that evoked memories... nostalgia was everywhere. nostalgia inside, chaos outside. things gradually got boxed and left. finally one saturday, most of the rest left.

and then there was this stufflessness, weightlessness.

i went to my parents today, to drop off a big heavy bag, since i realized there would be too much for one trip. i walked in and was immediately assaulted by the view of the bags-boxes-suitcases-otherstuffer.... lined up in the living room. all the chaos i had been living in, and now free of, was lined up in front of me at my parents'. i exclaimed out loud and my dad sniggered and (he hatttes clutter) said when he sees all that stuff he feels augh. and then asked if i ever wondered wouldn't it be nice just not to have anything at all. i zaid very zen.

he said if someone asks you for slipper, you can't give them one - you don't have one to give. somehow that didn't sound anything to do with zen but we were both on to the same thing... living free of material responsibility.

i don't have the courage - the nostalgia takes me in. also i am an almost fanatic recycler/reuser, so i have trouble "just tossing" something.

one thing a friend and i do, when each of us "can't" give away something but needs to, is send it to the other of us, who has no attachment to it. only problem is i have one of her dresses i actually patched up but still haven't got around to changing the buttons...

there goes that strategy of simplicity.

~ waves ~ wavering and still wanting that shower.

i think change sucks when you're in the middle of it.
sometimes it sucks before and after too.

sounds like your husband could use a "library" in the sense of a room, sounds like. you know like in Clue. and sounds like you need to get a little more clear areas. you are in negotiations it sounds like.

my mom is cluttery and my dad is not. i dislike clutter but i tend to be cluttery. still, i notice when my mom would come over after i had tidied, suddenly where i had three separate clear surface areas, i suddenly had three separate cluttered surface areas. they have been married what 40 years now.

clutter and stuff are interchangeable really, the difference is a subjective one.

here's to our moves leading us to healthier happier lives. somehow.

I think change whether for the good or the bad is particularly difficult for one who is bipolar. My apartment has changed so much for the better it is really giving me anxiety now...I can't maintain it without help. Now when something is out of place it screams at me whereas before when everything was out of place, it was a much quieter scream.
I find it is a relief to throw things...or a release...most of my memories are painful anyways....it was a real horror to throw out clothes that were still good but that no longer fit.
I wish your sleep issues Mari would get easier....I don't think practically all people get it. So many people take basics for granted.
Bobby

I can't agree with the hypnotist, because ok so you go to be, that's what I do, with the help of meds, but I STILL WAKE UP, more than once a night, so interrupted sleep does no good either.

I have not napped during the day and it still happens, this has been a cycle that has been going on for years.

I am always fatigued. So, just going to bed and staying there, doesn't mean sleep, at least not for me. I think he was harsh in saying that.

Hang in there, I am sure you will feel somewhat better once you are all moved.
As far as the sleep issue, I am at a loss.......................even trazadone 200mg I still wake up.....Nuts for me

Hugs, Nikko

I tired to sleep today.

Chain saws woke me up. Men were outside my window trimming trees -- not really trimming -- they were doing a major cut back on huge trees.

After the chain saws letf, the would chipper showed up. Noisy as anything. That's what I get for sleeping during the working daylight hours of most people.

I got a few hours of sleep.

Hubby and I have hours of packing ahead of us tonight.