[coffeegirl]

Not sure if any of you know that I have an Eating Disorder: both anorexia/bulimia. I have not had the anorexia issue since I was 32; which I had for over 20 years crossed with the bulimia. The Topamax helped curb the bulimia. I was binging numerous times a day until I started that drug. It saved my life. Sounds strange I know.

Recently the doctors took me off the Topamax due to thinking it has been the reason for my neurological problems. Not the case at all unless the neuro exam tells otherwise- but I am very certain that is not it. I was off of it for a year and still had odd neuro problems.

Since I have been off the Topamax this week alone I have had some bouts with the bulimia. Stress related. Yesterday was just horrid. It has to do with my relationship with a sibling. Hard to explain without typing a huge story.

When I got off the phone with this person I was so distraught I binged the worst I have in over a decade. Luckily I didn't purge in any way shape or form. Not sure if that is good or not- because I feel so fat, blubbery and disgusting that I can barely look into the mirror. My clothes fit horribly. I am avoiding the scale.

Recently I lost 8 pounds out of no where. Now I am quite certain I've gained them all back. Hubby and I are starting a new lifestyle change today. He is going to help me get into the gym- to help me physically- with the neuro problems to get myself back into shape/and physically strong again. I'm changing my eating habits too. Once my sons eat all the junk they demanded me to buy them this week- that is the last time I'm buying it. They have not been eating their meals well and wanting to snack on crap. This is the best way to stop that habit for them too.

I called the pdoc and neurologist begging them to put me back on the Topamax. Luckily- they did. Starting back slowly. I know it will help. I'm just so upset with myself that I allowed that to happen.

Didn't want to post this but knew I needed to. Very depressed right now. My older sister gets it but she is very busy right now. No one to talk to. Therapy appointment is a month away. ugh!

Coffeegirl

[Mari]

Dear CoffeeGirl,
I know how hard it is to wait for a therapy appointment when you really want to talk to the therapist.
Did the therapist give you any tools to remember between appointments? Can you try to recall somethings you have worked on in the past that can help you?

Getting the food out of the house is good, as is encouraging healthful eating for your children.

The gym is wonderful It makes me feel more alive and more in touch with myself when I work out. Have you tried yoga? Yoga helps me to be mindful.

Mari

[coffeegirl]

Hi Mari,

I am determined to go to the gym today/tonight sometime. Right now I need to get some housecleaning accomplished. It has been neglected for some time due to feeling like yuck with neurological issues.

Like you, I have done yoga to help release anxiety/depression in the past. Last year I had to stop doing it due to balance problems. Not doing it has made me realize the stamina/how effective yoga really is as an exercise. I have done it for over 15 years. This past year I have felt so miserable without doing any yoga/exercise- things my body is very used to.

One thing my therapist has always recommended is journaling. Hope to find time to do that today. It really does help. Thank you for reminding me to think about what to do. Right now my brain is not working at full speed.

Coffeegirl

[bizi]

Thank you for sharing your story with us here.
I am sorry that you have to wait to see your therapist.
Journaling is a great way to get something off your chest and can help to not obcess about a particular item.
I use a planner to write down everything as I have memory issues.
bizi

[coffeegirl]

Thank you Bizi

You will laugh at this. ... I have 3 planners so I don't lose track of what/where/when I am suppose to be anymore. Sad- yes, but it is helping me not go to the wrong appointments at the wrong date to the wrong doctors recently. My therapist recommended it. However if I forget to write something in it- it is like dejavu- biting me in the butt!

Tomorrow I plan on journaling. I'm looking forward to it. It does help relax me. Hopefully this weekend I will be able to find time to scrapbook. I get lost when I do that and forget about everything going on around me. It is like I'm on another planet! LOL

Have a nice night!

Coffeegirl

[Mari]

Dear Coffee,
DO you really have 3 planners? Do people give them to gifts? Do you have one for near your desk, one for your purse, . . . . ?

My sis made a nice scrap book for hubby one time. I bought the supplies from a speciality store. She put it together. Did you ever take a workshop in it?

M.

[waves]

Hey CoffeeGirl...

woww... 3 planners... kudos for managing that! i think it's great that you have found a "tool" that works for you, to help with the memory issues. personally, i admire anyone who can do planners!

the funny thing is... i can't even handle ONE planner. fortunately (and ironically!) i have a good memory... my problem with planners is i tend to forget... to write in them, to check them... to bring them... etc...

i *love* the idea of a scrapbook. but i don't know if i could do one. i have a few hangups that i think would cause me difficulties... one day i might try. i certainly have enough raw material!

anyway, i am glad you can enjoy that. i've seen others' scrapbooks - i think they are a lovely way to gather memories.

~ waves ~

[coffeegirl]

Yes- truly I am a very pathetic person. I do really have three planners and I bought them all due to the memory problem. How do I manage all three of them. Every day first thing in the morning I sit down and make sure they al are in sync together. If I get a new appointment I write it down in all three- at once. One is for my purse, one for the kitchen and one for the vehicle. Very pathtic... Yes.

Scrapbooking I absolutely love. I haven't felt like doing it in over 6 months. I hope this weekend I will be able to do it but we have a lot scheduled so it looks like I won't be able to do it until next week.

I've taken a few scrapbooking classes. The scrapbook store here has on-going classes, etc. and you can scrapbook in their store daily if you sign up and there is space. I have never done it due to all the variorous doctor appointments and being so disorganized until recently. Now I have hope that next month I will be able to start up classes a few times a month and once a week (as a goal to get out of the house) scrapbook at the store.

I learned a lesson the hard way. I made our two boys scrapbooks about themselves when they were little. Stupidly- I put them out so anyone could view them. They had the slip in pages. What did our youngest son do? He took out the pages, ripped some apart, messed them all up and put them back in to make it appear he did nothing to the book. I just laughed. What else could I do. Now I never keep them out and have a closet that is very organized with all the supplies/etc. for scrapbooking. On a top shelf there is a place to store all of the scrapbooks- so the boys won't get into them again. However, occassionally I do find stickers stuck here and there now and then. So I have to go over the 'this is mom's stuff' talk.

One of my boys likes to scrapbook. He is the one that doesn't tear them apart. He will spend all day scrapbooking with me. He too, has ADHD- and focus problems. It really helps him keep focused and he will make a book in less than a day. He does really good work for a tween/boy.

Just to give you another good laugh (next to the fact I truly do have 3 planners)- after I poured coffee into my cup and went to put it away where did I go to put it? The fridge!!! Brain is not functioning up to par. Definitely! lol

Coffeegirl

[OhKay]

Coffee Girl,

You are not a pathetic person!
People with memory problems have to find effective ways to stay on track. Use what works for you.

I have a hand me down iPhone & put all my appointments in there. It syncs with my iCal (I also have a mac). I set medication & appointment alerts. I check my phone for appointments before bed and every morning. In addition, I have a pocketbook sized notebook that I use to make daily lists of things I need to do. I check things off after they're done. This is what works for me.

I'm glad that you're taking control by planning exercise, and eliminating junk food (which may be a trigger for you right now) from your home. It will eventually start to effect your boys' health after they recover from their resistance.

A desire for control is an element of anorexia and bulimia (I know you have a lot on your plate). The Topomax and your recent planning should help with that. I'm proud of you for being proactive!

It's terrible that you have to wait for an appointment with your therapist. Are wait times like that common within your area? Existing patients with need for therapy can usually get in earlier where I live.

I hope that you start to see positive changes soon.
Hugs,
Kay