oh kay,
You poor dear.
You have so much on your plate right now...
I am very sorry that you are having to go thru this.
yes tomorrow schedule the coloscopy, Ihad the cyro freezing and it was not that bad, i think they will do that at the same time if they need to....I had mild dysplasia. that was some 30 years ago.
I hope you can sleep tonight and will be thinking of you tomorrow.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Dear Pam,
 

You are going through a trying time. It's hard to roll the punches, but do your best to to keep the rolling as a goal. If you cannot achieve that for a whole day, try for a few moments at time: roll when you can and to the degree that you can.

I hope that you can schedule the procedure soon. While you wait for the appt and results, keep in mind as best as you can that most abnormal smears are not the result of something serious. You know that in your head. Try to know it in your heart as well while you trust the docs to get to the truth for you.

If you can't cheerlead for yourself, continue to take one minute at time. You don't need to think about the future. You only have to go through the motions of day to day, minute by minute for now. Concentrate on keeping yourself together. :hug: :hug: :hug:
I'm pulling for you.

M.

i am rooting for you....with all that is going on, you are holding up so well...it is amazing...now is the time to think only of your own needs.
you need a big break
bobby

Thank you Bizi, Mari, and Bobby. All good advice! :grouphug:

I can't get in for the colposcopy until November 19th- they may do a biopsy then, but won't do anything else until they know what's going on.

A nurse did call me back with more info on my pap results. The abnormal cells were "lower-grade" and in the inter-epithelial region (LGSIL). The recent HPV results aren't back yet, but it seems like all such cases are accompanied by positive HPV results.
Thank you for letting me know about your experience Bizi- it helped.

I feel a little better with more info, but I was pretty off the wall last night.
I had several beers and an extra xanax before I calmed down.

Maybe I've had HPV all along, but it was never caught. And maybe it's only an issue now because I'm taking tysabri for my MS- it's an immunosupressant.

I may SOUND pretty together, but I can edit all this before I post. I'm up and down, and usually only post when I'm calmer, can focus, and have enough motivation.
I rely heavily on logic and analysis to cope with things so that I feel like I have some level of control. It works to some degree.

I have an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow at 2, and see my pdoc Wednesday. I'm hoping the therapy will help me think and talk through all this. Also hoping that doesn't trigger something.

Damn I wish I had gotten another "all's clear" card in the mail! I'm trying to "oh well" it for now.

Thanks again,
Kay

Dear Kay

sorry to hear you have yet another big hurdle being thrown at you...

you've said the majority of cases... but i'm still hoping for good news, until we get the definite results. :o i'm allowed, right?

i would be a wreck.

(ok, i am a wreck but that is a totally separate issue.)

i know what you mean about logic and editing posts and sounding together.

sometimes i feel like i'm held together by spit and bailing wire though... :o

i have been trying to do nurturing things for myself. some things i do are
-- wholesome/easy food
-- soft clothing, pillows, clinging to comfy squooshy things.
-- hot or warm drinks (honey lemon tea, or herbal infusions)

i wonder if you can try that too. treat yourself as though you were one of your patients. i know you can't do that all the time, but make nursing gestures towards yourself. you have a gift... and you also have a patient who could really use that gift.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

I agree with waves.:I-Agree:
slow down and nurture yourself.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Thanks Waves and Bizi.

I did a lot of internet research on the pap stuff. They can't be sure what's really go in and do that colposcopy next month and the results come back.
No word on the HPV results yet.

I am SO tired of all this medical BS!!!
The MS and all its issues, neck problems (fusion in 2008, another disc still out), gallbladder out last year... all the pain, the fevers, the MH problems, recent pneumonia and cellulitis of the face... and now this...
I can't help feeling damaged.

I'm trying to distract myself though. And I got another ear piercing, 4 in each ear now- still room for more! :D

I haven't really had a chance to pamper myself-
my husband hurt his back on Sunday AND he's on vacation this week. He refuses to go to the doctor & wants to buy an inversion table instead. More cooking, running the dishwasher daily, etc. He's on the couch most of the time & has been bitchy. I've been out & taking my time the last 2 days. I'll probably be taking my heating pad to bed soon.

My psychologist's office called again to cancel another appointment. She's on sick leave. I'll reschedule tomorrow when I go see the pdoc.

Kay

Dear Kay,


That is disappointing when the tdoc cancels.

Sorry about your husband. Men seem to need lots of attention when they are hurting.
I think that they handle things differently.

I'm hoping you get the results after that procedures.
In the meantime, find something else to think about -- if you can :hug: :hug: :hug:



M.

Dear Kay

i am really sorry you are dealing with so much.

i hope you do find a way to slow down.

congratulations on the piercing! ;) hey, it may be "about" control but sheez... the rest of your life doesn't give you much room for it... we all need some control!!! ... no reason not to have some through body art. enjoy creating new earring combinations.

take care. i hope hubby feels better soon and can stop being bitchy and be more able to help around the house. no doc, but an inversion table eh??? hmmm. do you figure, are all men doctors, or just your hubby and my dad?

have a chuckle: my dad sneezes a few times = he starts panicking saying he has "a cold" and wants a claritin :rolleyes:... which "fixes" his "cold" within FIVE MINUTES.... yah, like the pill's not even fully dissolved. :rolleyes: his latest gigs have been Vicks vaporub (i won't scare you with his adopted use of it) and acetaminophen (which, since we told him he isn't allowed antihistamines, he has decided also fixes his flash "colds" in the same flash time :rolleyes:). when we try to explain what the meds do and that there is no bearing on his symptoms... he retorts that meds work differently for everyone and he is his own best doctor. i wonder if they sell sugar pills made up to look like drugs... can't get him off of the Vicks though... sheez.

~ waves ~

Waves, it seems like your dad is the poster board for the placebo effect!
As long as he's not over-doing it, I'd leave it alone unless you just want to tease him :)

Speaking of our honorary medical doctors... my husband has his inversion table. Wouldn't you know it, after using it once, his back feels 100% better! ;)

My pdoc increased my lamictal from 150 to 200mg, and I can take 4/ 0.5mg xanax instead of just 3. I'm glad she didn't increase the effexor. I've been pretty unbalanced, so I think increasing the lamictal was a good idea.

She also gave me a workbook on dialectual (?) therapy to help me with impulse control. I'll let you know how that works out.

I've done a lot of walking in the last few days, so I'm in more pain than usual & am looking forward to sleeping in and staying home tomorrow!

Kay