[waves]

oh me... just woke up... coffee here. slept sorta on and off between bitten by skeeters and feelin cold. now get ready for another haul over to my parents'. btw, if i drop off scene for the weekend that's where i am.

yesterday i grueled through my laptop registry to track down some spyware residue until my brain cells complained so much my hair wanted to fall out.

at that point it was tardy enough in the day that i really HAD to pack more. with horizontal back restings, and crying breakdowns. plus fear they wouldn't fix the elevator in timedad called about their berserk computer which i had said to leave OFF but noooooo, mister wise guy there... so he got yelled at. Btw, i'm an ex-software engineer. EX. no software now, never did do hardware, ok - some drives and mem installs... so now, i got two sick 'puters to fix, theirs i don't yet know if h/w or s/w. i have neither time now, nor the spirit, let alone when ppl don't cooperate with the tech's (my) instructions!

So I'd had it. Unplugged phone, muted cell and screw the world, no agents no parents, no salespeople nobody, oh.. friends? what's that. who cares get outta my hair... and let me sink in my own pot of * without stirring me in further.

luckily i had more than a carload ready last week or this week would not have enough. the last thing i did were my plush toys. i choke as i type that. i dustbusted them first and sobbed throughout. Somehow boxing plush toys literally "hits home."

i have been/am so exhausted. mentally, physically, spiritually, everythingly. grieving ... but beyond. also anorexic. 600 calories? if only. i do eat something once a day, and no junk. lots of juice and milk too, as those go down. i know this is making me weak - i feel it - but i can't help it.

well, that was more than you bargained for perhaps sigh. i have nobody to tell in quite so many words i guess that's why.

Bizi thanks for asking. you are really sweet. i have been feeling a bit shy to post about me much. hugs ~ waves ~

~