Trigger:


I feel like my body will collapse from pure exhaustion from not enough sleep from too much worrying about all my stress of recent past. I cannot sleep so I took some Klnopin to see if that will help. I hate my life. I wish I could just forget Goodwill and my Rehab. counselor. I wish my brothers and other family members would realize just because I am bi-polar does not mean I don't have feelings. I know that statement doesn't make sense but my family has always had the attitude that if I show any feelings, it is because I am sick and they green warrent me or take me to the hospital. It seems even the County Mental Health clinic i once went to felt the same way and it appears so does my Rehab. counselor. As my shrink, I can't spell psychiatrist, describes it, people tend to treat people with a mental illness as 2nd class citizens when we are not.

Well, the Klnopin is calming me down some or just writing and getting it out is helping.

befuddled2

Dear Befuddled,
I am so sorry that you are not sleeping well,
It is hard having a mental health problem by itself and then have family issues and other non supportive people in your life. This must seem so frustrating to you.
I hope that the klonipin helped you to sleep last night. It used to help me before I took sleeping pills now.
Try to be nice to yourself today, maybe a nap will help or even a hot bath.
Do something fun if you can something that you enjoy...maybe go to chuckie cheeses to watch some kids play...
Make a new tradition for yourself....
we go to waffle house now on sunday mornings for breakfast and are getting to be freindly with the watresses there...social contact.
You are a wonderful woman and deserve to be treated well.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

BF - Take care - sending lots of


Nikko

((((((Bee)))))),

Honey, you're finding out how hard it is to start a new life.

I sent myself a card 10 years ago -- just to check and see if the postal forwarding was working because I felt like I wasn't getting all my mail. I wrote a silly little note to myself -- actually had forgotten that I had even written it.

But, when I received it in the mail -- it hit home. I've kept it all these years right where I can see it:

Bee, it's hard to start over. And give up a lot of the things that used to comfort us.

Give yourself credit for what you've accomplished so far. Be thankful for the beautiful gifts in your life -- like your nephew.

Do what Bizi says -- start some pleasant new rituals in your life that'll give you something to look forward to.

Try to stay away from the negative people as much as possible. OR, tell them straight out you don't appreciate their negativity, it's not really adding anything helpful to your life.

Buy yourself some flowers. And thank G-d that you've gotten a chance to start over again.

BIG HUGS.

Barb

PS: Go here: http://tobeebook.com/blog/ and read this "Following Your Compass" (about 2/3 of the way down the page). More hugs.

Thank you Bizi, Nikko, and Barb.

I kind of did start something new, going to the nursing home twice since Christmas to visit people. Only, I need some other new things to go with it as it is not enough.

Barb, yes I am finding out just how hard it is to start all over again. That was a very good note you sent to yourself.

I just feel wore out today, like I'm depressed. I will try to get focused on better things thoughs.

befuddled2

((((((Bee)))))),



More hugs!!

Barb

thanks for the the hug barb. i made it out today to the store even though it was raining. then i had a nice chat with a cousin out of state. sometimes i have to stand my ground with her but at least with her i'm not a wimp like with my other family.

well, i fell better tonight.

befuddled2

BF, I am sorry that things were troubling and heartachy.
I had hopes that the time with your niece would give you a smile and pictures make you happy.

People will not get it. I recently found out that my daughter felt the same way about her siblings. They did have frustrations with her, but mainly because she would seek out improper behaviour and not good things. She never did the positive things that you are, never even took on the challange to manage her life a little. I am upset at myself for all the things not positive I said to her to wake her up....

You should have great pride in what steps you take for yourslef. It will make little difference to slap them silly to get it,BUT it will come. They see you are doing better and will be happy for you. It will come, I truely believe that.
Keep doing all the great things for yourslef, the rest will follow.
Love and hugs,
di

Hi Di,

I wished I could believe my brother in town cared but I really doubt he does. I hadn't seen them in over a year. I paid $18 fare to go to their house Saturday and they leave with the 8 year old and try to talk the 6 year old into leaving too to go to his mom's friend's house. The 6 year old didn't want to go though because he was having fun with me. My feelings were hurt that I had made plans to see all three kids and they didn't let me know they had planned on taking 2 of the kids away as soon as I got there leaving me with sister-in-law's sister and the baby who don't remember me. Yet I am not suppose to get upset about such things or else I'm getting sick.

To make a long story short, because of the way my family treated me coming up as kids I seemed to be a prime candidate to marry an abuser. My mom's sister was a pyschiatric nurse and would really screw my with my head. She loved to play doctor or therapist but she was somewhat twisted herself.

Well, I need to do my Federal Financial Aid application tonight while I'm in the mood.

befuddled2

they sound like toxic people...I am sorry for this.
(((HUGS)))
bizi