Hi my sweet friends....

This time Im not angry, not suicidal... not sad ! Im just weird... I think Im hypomaniac or very close to be...

Does it sound very weird if I tell you I feel like having 2 souls right one ?? One is making me cry and the other one is making me feel excited...

Some months ago I was going on a trip to see a concert... Maybe you remember that's one of the very few things I still like to do... But it was cancelled and I had that airplane ticket opened... I lost money but whatever, Im using that airplane ticket to go to Texas (Dallas, Austin and Houston) next week... Leaving Saturday, coming back home Thursday... Im going to see 4 concerts.... If God helps me...

I feel freaked out... First... because they cancelled me twice THAT concert, so, I dont know... I think they left me some panic you know ??
Also, I feel nostalgic... I feel sad because I always travel alone and that's just a reminder of my daily solitude...
I feel nervous because I HATE the process of travelling... I HATE hotels checkings in etc...
And also, Im feeling excited because I want to see my band you know ??

So ! I think my body cant handle all these feelings together...

Anyway... I needed to talk, PLUS, Im feeling weird, PLUS you are like my family and I needed to let you know Im going to this adventure...

Thank you for reading !!!

P.S I posted this at the SOS forum too, so, please forgive me if you like me, visit both forums and find this thread twice

hang in there blue, focus on the steps to get you where you need to go.
one step at a time.
hoping you have alovely time.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Perhaps the word you are looking for is "mixed states."

However, these feelings can also be a normal response to something big a person is looking forward to, yet scared of at the same time. We dread it, we want it, we feel sad at the thought or lonely even, yet so excited. We feel like we are going to burst with the conflicting feelings. . . . and what I am describing is not bipolar. But it is hard to trust the feelings. I have a family member who had unstable bipolar for many years, often with the mixed states - said liked the emotion "grief" best only because she always could trust that was a genuine feeling. The rest she could never be sure of. Me - it was the depression I could not trust in myself.

Dear Majo,

Keep taking care of yourself.
Are you sleeping?

M.

Thank you so much for understanding me friends !

Im not sleeping due to the same reason... I keep having vivid dreams about the trip... some are good things that I would love if they could happen like in the dream, but some are bad things...

Im leaving saturday and still have so many things to plan but the bad thing is I need to wait my job to deposit my money, so ! argh ! frustration !

and anxiety...

Thanks for listening. Im praying God everything can be alright !

blue, try to make yourself sleep.
if you can.
you don't want to get all hypo for your trip.
please be careful, have fun be safe!
bizi

Ha ! guess what... I will need to take ther light rail for one station because on my way there is a freeway that apparently cant be crossed by pedestrians... Argh...

Question (Very silly one): When you read a buses/train schedule... You look the station you are taking the train and the times marked there are the ones when the train passes for that station right ??

yes I think you are right.

Dear Majo,

You can post the link.

We can read the schedule thingy if you want.

M.

Dear Majo

positive and negative emotions at the same time are completely appropriate - everyone has that happen. sometimes they can be quite strong and even CONFLICT, which makes us take notice! for instance, when someone we love very much makes us very angry. we might feel hateful towards them, but still feel deeply fond and protective of them. but that doesn't mean you are becoming hypo or depressed or mixed. this happens to "normies" too!

somewhere in my twenties i realized that feelings were not like coins, where if you are seeing one side, the other side is the opposite... so seeing both is irreconcilable ("crazy").

I think feelings are more like gems. What we might assign "opposite" faces to on a coin, are just two of the many facets on the gem. Each facet has its own slant... and that is how feelings "reconcile," not by conventional logic.

it is even possible to love and hate something/one simultaneously. in psychology this is called "ambivalence."
bipolar is an illness where feelings are heightened outside of "normal" range.... or what might be proportional to a stimulus. a manic or hypomanic state generally involves EXTRAordinarily outgoing, happy feelings (but can be irritable), while depression involves EXTRAordinarily unhappiness. and as Jaspar pointed out there are mixed states where these can coexist.

but i want to point out that this concert is a very meaningful thing to you - it is a powerful stimulus, and it follows you will have powerful feelings about it. your excitement seems in line with wanting to see the band, your fears seem in line with the past disappointments, after TWO of them, it seems 100% "reasonable" to fear another one. Finally, the stress of the trip, because you hate travel... all put together ... the picture fits.

My non-medical "diagnosis" is: you are HUMAN!!!!!!!!

Sure, with being bipolar one is more sensitive and we have to take extra care in these situations. Definitely try to get sleep as other say, or rest when you can't sleep. try not to let your mind go with good OR bad scenarios. i've found that can hurt me (if nothing else, by depriving me of SLEEP! )

But it does not sound do me like you are having an "episode" ... what you describe sounds pretty much in keeping with these strong stimuli......

do post the schedule if you feel like it maybe we can help.

i hope you have fun!!!