No matter what I say, she has a answer. I don't threaten her, I just tell her and she doesn't care. She is DETERMINED to live her alone and take care of herself. She can't even remember to take her pills when I put them right in front of her 2x a day.

I can't afford to go to a hotel, if I did then I would have to hear something bad when I came back she would probably call the police and say I stole the car who knows. I tried that once with my husband and the dogs with my own car when I had one, and she flipped, how could we do that to her without telling her. Because she was driving me NUTS.

She takes me for granted, and gives me crap about EVERYTHING. She knows I means business now, even though I did all her pee pee laundry and regular, and got her McDonalds. I even have to serve her! If she kept up with her PT she would be much better by now. Everytime I think she is changing, she goes right back to her old ways.

There is nothing I can do to change her in any way, shape or form.

I am looking into apt's near supermarkets and stores, because I will have to walk, I will no longer have a car, it is her's. Mine was repo'd after my husband assaulted me.

I have to figure out how in the hell I am going to get my stuff moved.

I have no life, my dogs, my birds, a few friends, but not close friends.

She thinks she has me financially. But I will live in a dump, so be it.

I have my SSDI and food stamp card. I will still be able to go to COPE where I go for BP, they send cabs for you to and from. Other dr's I will not.

I have been through her illness's since August of 2005, then all the problems/assualt/court with my husband. I can't take much more, all I do now is cry on and off.

I am 48 and my life isn't even worth living anymore, except for my dogs.

I am not strong anymore, I am in pain physically to the max.

I probably will have to give up my rented pc too. Have just basic cable, and just my cell phone.

I will be totally cut off from the world, maybe that's a good thing.

I will keep you posted, I plan to be out of here by May 1st.

I am real depressed, and having real bad thoughts. I am weak and in pain.

Love, Nikko