Dear Mari

i'm so sorry. Men can be clods when it comes to things like that. And boy are they thick.

i bought a skirt once that was made, out of 8 overlapping fabric flaps... kinda elfish. on one side, the overlap was kinda high. but it was on the side. so, IF the flap got pulled back you would see a rather high portion of thigh. and often there'd be hose underneath anyway.

overall the skirt was incredibly comfortable, and i loved the elfish look.

my dad he made remarks about how "certain" people (implying males with wandering eyes) would certainly appreciate it on the subway... quite a "show." i used to commute 2ce a day on the subway and other trans. i think i wore it another 2-3 times, then got rid of it because i could not enjoy it any more. even though i certainly made sure i was covered.

i like your idea about logging things for a week, and then discussing with hubby.

recently i got very upset with my father over something. the next day i was able to tell him a way in which he could present the information that would be useful to me, and not hurtful or stressful. now my dad is getting on and forgets things, so he might not remember, but but your hubby might...

if there are cases where you feel the information is not bad or good, but what makes it so is how it is presented. and teach him a way of presenting things that you find useful/supportive. be prepared to provide a clear mapping from what he says (your log) to what he might say that would be useful to you. eg. hair.... in private... i like it when you do xyz with your hair, might be complimentary, rather than "it looks unkempt."

you may also have to discuss esthetics with him. what looks "unkempt" to my parents - as hair goes - often looks good to me. and, since we know that is the case, they now mostly keep their unkempt comments behind closed mouths.

~ waves ~