Glad you posted waves, I've been sending you good and postive thoughts all day, hoping that you kept the job. I hope it works out but if not there's other jobs out there and surely one will work out better then this one has. Hang in there! :grouphug:

thank you rhonda. i appreciate your sharing i am sure many can benefit from your knowledge.

i am far away, different system i am afraid, but we too have analogous types of programs, and i will try to get informed in the way of what sort of labor protection there is for this... 'fraid not much unless you're a permanent hire, i'm body rented consult just at 3 months there, discontinuous work history before that for extended period.


i am going to look into teaching again.

you didn' sound callous :hug: :)

i did put out feelers about teaching you never know... someone who is connected to a school. she has a degree in psychology. we have been taking. i want to read what she has written on narcissism. i think i have narcissistic areas in my way of being. i think my boss has high traits. he weasels about like a cat 'round a mous then when yer not lookin he sends a left hook in.

hook, or a claw, right to the jugular.

~ waves ~

thank you for posting.
I surely dislike your boss.
What about the big boss?
((((HUGS))))
bizi

dear bizi

thank you. i will try to explain. but if you don't understand don't worry. it is hard to explain it right. and it might make your heaspin so siddown. :Head-Spin:

i have a contract with company A through end june. they rented my services to company B (without whom, company A doesn't want a hire) who similarly rented my services to company C. my boss that you don't like is a guy at company C. if he doesn't want a person he can tell them get me someone else. if they can't convince him otherwise, they will get him someone else and give me a month's notice (that's what my contract says i'm due).

my contract btw is only cross-signed, not full-signed which is weird - he said so he didn't have to register it? but he's withholding taxes... and goes through the other guy.... so i don't think it could be a fraud thing . i thinki better check that out..... now i'm owwrried.

but if he left me home from one day to the next i dount id' have much recourse. not that wouldn't cost me 5 x the worth. he alrady shorted me on december... made me think sick was not deducted even if we were using a temporary contractual form, instead - he deducted it. that is company A guy, but this the same guy that kept calling me to go interview places when nobody else called. company B guy (the boogie woogie bugle boy) seems pretty bottom line oriented but not to throwing someone who is doing their job ok at the whim of a client - i think he would probably try to place me elsewhere in the company. but my cactus-hold boss knows a lotta bigwigs in there. if he wants me out i'm out, pretty sure, not postive.

~ waves ~

thanks Pam it was a hard weeklast week and that's how it's going in...

but risotto dude might make me another risotto soon, so hey, ya know. and my mom cooks and leaves it out for me and i sometimes eat that when i get home... can be very nice.

trying to think of nice things. my daytime is so horrid. i can't get my mind to do pretty things the past two days. i mean most ppl wouldn't find rain pretty but wheni was manic it used to - i guess it's different everytime, it's been awhile. mind you i do feel the rain more. i am feeling more cold. my sleep medicine is partly doing that... until i get used to that effect it will also act as a slower-downer but that will wear out.

i am not going to take zyprexa. before it was if maybe but i had lost a bunch of weight now i've gained it ALL back and maybe a pound or two more - it has been really hard to lose, it has caused me to lose decent eating habits, so no, i do not want to go there from here. and my pdco knows it even if i wer inpatient i don't think he would dot hat to me. he has never been a great one with doses. but depakote makes me stupid after a while. i hated that. i felt even more stupid because i felt stupid cos it wasn't my fault it was the stupid drug and there i felt stupid and that was stupid, so i was stupid anyway.

stupid is as stupid does.

it is a national holiday tomorrow that i didn't know about. i am relieved.

i did call my pdoc and said i needed a consult but i think it will be wednesday, sigh. i did tell my pdoc my bosses were debating my continued presence there, so, he knows. the poor guy just had kidney stones so i missed the other nights appointment cos of that. i was so upset. i rang a neighbor to let me in and go and bang on his door. erhhm. :rolleyes: he wasn't there. he was otherwise occupied at home... unbeknownst to me, having kidneystones. :(

this has been a ravaging week. pdoc sms'd me twice the day he didn't come. but inever saw it, coz that day, i left my cellphone at home. that night, saw messages. had insufficient credit.... to send a friggin text message saying thank you i hope you feel better!!!!!!!

my boss had to explain some thing to me . i had a break first. i was better when i left work - miserable all morning. much better when i left.

i don't know if it's just reaction finally processed or more cycling.my first pdoc used to put it another way after he set me off with paxil he said you rapid cylce so fast you land in mixed states.

i wasn't last week but i think it happsn. doesn't happen at regular intervals. it hasn't happend in all of my episodes either. it is not good. yes i *know* the zyprexa would help but there are other things.... i can retry trileptal, something to help the depakote.

it's also spring, and what goes up myst come down. spring is prime time for me to depress and perhaps this "instability" is not cycling but just me tripping over myself as i go crashing into the abyss of depression?

Wow waves I managed to follow the post to Bizi, that sounds like a lot of red tape regardless of which company actually signs your paycheck. I like the idea of you teaching, I bet that would work out nicely for you. I hope it happens! :D

Dear Waves,I don't know what to say.
Know that I want you to be ok.

M.

Thank you Pam.

i think i will need to seriously use the info i had gathered, gather more and go forward.... i see current door closing ... better start knocking on others even if that means fighting a bit less to keep it open. it isn't a situation i can fight much anyway. i think it's personality conflict and he's using performance because that's how he can get me out - if he appealed to personality conflict, they'd laugh at him not fire me, he's known for being erratic and difficult.

he can get away with performance coz no-one is there except me when he contradicts himself, or refuses to answer questions, or wastes my time in pompous digression or... i could go on, thing is, because of being "drizzled" information, and sometimes wrong info, i have to do and redo and redo things and it looks like i am going backwards.

Dear Mari

you have been my guiding light in taking my pills at night. at some point you said to me do me a favor whatever you do take your pills. so, i have been having the thought at night, "Mari said take my pills, i must take pills for Mari" lol so thankyou - you elevated the importance / stickiness for me somehow. or maybe made it into a personal thing... like with a positive emotional charge to it. thank you.

i actually had a couple brief spells during recent times of feeling flat, not med induced, and it was very strange. it was like i was stunned. couldn't connect, couldn't feel much. felt awkward/uncomfortable/shifty - disoriented. i don't know what it is or why it happens.

i might try increasing the depakote to 1150 or 1250.

~ waves ~ sorry if i overwhelmed with postings off to do painter preparedness stuff now