and now am sort of gathering for battle as i see it - tomorrow.
i will expect peace, find peace, and then *BOOM*

the man will say something to make the glass house shatter. ahaaaa the superbiaaaaaa and yet i cannot leave it alone can i as i am not innocent.

so there you have it.


i need to find another job.

i've been fishing out and finishng up documents for sending out for stuff for teaching. i have the weekend i can work on that. there's not much else here of mine and can send to the cellar that isn't ready to go whne he wants to come paint.

so. sometimes i wish i lived in an unpainted wooden shack woodside. the bugs would bug me a bit and bite too but i'd love the smells and sounds.

~ waves ~

Hey waves...

You are so right... I say the same thing more than once every week... (or day !) I wish I could just live ! instead of deal, think, work, stress you know... ? I wish I could live in a black hole and just do... nothing ! eat maybe... listen to music maybe... but dealing with jobs, people is too hard for me 90% of the time... Then I take a deep breathe and realize I have to keep "fighting" you know... we are here... that's it. Have you read the sisyphus myth ?? we are just like that... living ok ? If we have a better day, great, if we have bad days, they will be over soon... but life is just normal... sometimes I guess I just waste too much energy trying to be happy or even normal LOL and keep dealing with all the things I hate but I must just live.... Does that make sense ??

Also, hun, always remember, things happen for a reason and in the right moment.... So, if you need to find another job... well, that's because that's the best thing you need right now

Hang in there. I leave you so much love and hugs !

Dear Waves,
I hope you are safe and sound at home sleeping.
I wish for you a nice weekend, stress free and full of rest.
I want for you some peacefulness....
love bizi

i hate to post this but the drinking sounds likea real problem. have you discussed it with your pdoc? I am going to hate myself for writing this post.
love
bobby please forgive me

If you hadn't posted it bobby, I would have, someone had to mention it. I am worried about you waves, I hope you're able to get it under control, NO job is worth doing that to yourself. This was the first mention I've seen of the daytime drinking, but I know that must have taken a LOT of courage on your part to own up to, so you do acknowledge that there is a problem, just know that we LOVE YOU and want the best for you so please keep us posted and please talk to pdoc about it, this comes from love and I hope you don't get angry about bobby and I posting about it. She and I are just afraid you're getting into trouble with it.

hi
i am not frank about alcohol to my parents - it worries them, but i answer direct questions truthfully, and sometimes drink at home.

i do not like to talk about it on forum but occasional mentions keeps the picture straight for you guys. thanks for cautioning me... but also don't worry....

pdoc knows all the gory details.

~ waves ~

know that we love you and are just concerned.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

pdoc agreed about the increase in depakote from 1000 to 1200, and says to go up again to 1500 on wednesday.

if that doesn't settle things i might try a lithium + depakote balanced. have to ask him about that. lithium has worked before in combination.

but i won't do lithium if they won't draw labs regularly and the stupid state has stuid laws about stupid (in)frequency for that stuff.

but it sure seems like a lot of stufff!!!! i've never been at 1200mg depakote before let alone 1500!!!

~ waves ~

i feel relieved
love
bobby

bobby, I too have the concern for our gal

Waves,
As a mom with one of my kids, or my peeps, I would worry it is a crutch that could back fire or fall out from under.

waves, you may think the alcohol is taking the edge off, but it is replacing your rational thoughts process that you need to rely on right now.

I would find something else that vents it out, or eases. I rant, to no one....
let it come out in tears instead of penting up, and then pick up my boot straps and put them on ready to face that which challenges me.

You already are questioning the reason and effect, but do you accept the results?
I do not want you hurt in your potential to teach by this agency to act on detecting alcohol. They would put that in a discharge, and it will be in your record. Don't give them that ammunition.

think of all the people you are going to help teach one day if you saw this issue in a student and treat yourself with as much proactive advice.

Don't add fuel to this mans fire. He is just waiting and acting nice. Be like our Marines have a saying.
Be the best you can be.
Hugs
di