[Mari]

I used to be compulsive about keeping track of when I slept and how many hours.
Now I don't care. I sleep some. I don't sleep.
I'm up. I have no idea what time I went to bed.

Today I have a huge meeting to go to at work, then more stuff for the memorial service, and then a dentist visit . . . the dentist told me she needs an hour to do what she is going to do. I am taking my klonopin before she starts.

Regarding grieving my work friend:
I am moving toward strong anger -- not just at him but at everything. I'm not used to anger. I will ride the anger train and see where it takes me. I might be different at the end of this.
I'm still crying -- anger mixed with tears.

M.

[Mari]

I called and said that I cannot attend the stupid meeting because "I have a health issue."


Maybe I can take a nap before the dentist this afternoon.

M.

[Jaspar]

Our family member who had bipolar disorder always was thrown off kilter by dental work. Learned to have nothing else scheduled. I hope you are feeling better by tomorrow.

[bizi]

you really sound sleep deprived...not good for us.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Mari]

The dentist went fine. I had klonopin. I'm still zoned out.
M.

[OhKay]

Take care, Mari!

[waves]

i'm glad the dentist went ok.

it's odd isn't it how we adapt as we go through life... maybe your brain adapted to not really having stable sleep... you deal with it as it comes, so it's lost emotional weight. it is no longer priority, deep down. i mean if you don't care...

for me anger and tears are a natural mix. because sometimes anger ends up being expressed in tears if i can't, you knnow, hit something. but i think you mean the real anger that comes up as an aspect of grief.

the anger train is hard. it is very bumpy and we land unexpected places and it hurts. i've been on it lately. mixed with tears at times and diabolical laugher the rest. but in the end the bruises still show. i am sending you soft satin cushioning for comfort in your cabin on the anger train. make that cotton. cotton is more comforting i think.


~ waves ~

[DiMarie]

Just sending some hugs, glad the dental part if over with,

di

[Mari]

Originally Posted by waves

maybe your brain adapted to not really having stable sleep... you deal with it as it comes, so it's lost emotional weight. it is no longer priority, deep down. i mean if you don't care...

Not sleeping has harmed all aspects of my life to a great deal. I have not adopted to it. The problem gets worse year after year.

I want to go away to a mental hospital so I don't have to deal with hubby. He is horrlble --- not helpful.


M.

[mymorgy]

i am so sorry you are going through this. there doesn't appear to be an easy solution. i don't think you really want to go into a mental hospital....maybe send him to one.
bobby