[waves]

i feel that i am overmedicated in some respects but alsoo improperly medicated in others.

thursday night i took, as instructed:
1000 mg Depakote ER
10 mg Zyprexa
1.5 mg my usual benzo
2.5 mg + lorazepam.

i could not gain consciousness friday morning, even with various attempts by my folks to get me out of bed. my mom said i would occasionally talk back nonsense to her trying... anyway. i got to work at 2. my boss didn't seem to react much to my apology about lateness... later i overheard him tell someone he hadn't been there most of the morning. so i musta got real lucky in that department.

last night, i took all of the above minus the lorazepam after talking to pdoc.

i slept late and could not get going in general. i was tired and hazy all day. finally came out off zombie-land around 10pm.

in general - and i mean lately, before doc added the Zyprexa:
restless, uptight, angry, impatient, irritable, irascible, labile and did i say restless???
PLUS
real fatigued, sleepy, body feels broken top to bottom.

i have never been on 1000mg of Depakote + Zyprexa, while attempting to go to work, with this long a commute. at that time, i had zyprexa 15mg, zoloft 100 or so mg, the same long acting benzo, plus lorazepam as needed, and i still had to find time to get a lot of sleep. i don't understand why he wants to keep the depakote on board, not even reduce. i believe the zyprexa would do what the depakote was doing any way.... and then some.

tonight i took (of my own accord):

500mg Depakote (instead of 1000)
10mg Zyprexa
1mg my usual benzo (instead of 1.5)
no lorazepam

if i cannot shovel myself out of bed tomorrow with some effort and some help, i will suspend the zyprexa until thursday (i see pdoc) and rediscuss the issues.

because, the point is to go avoid going crazy, so i can keep my job, not to medicate my way out of it.