This is for .ona that has ever wondered if a teenager can change. Or if there is hope when you keep trying and trying.

My son is 29 today will be 30 in October. He had a diagnoses of many thing:
anxiety, depression, anger, just being mad, conduct disorder, defiant behaviour disorder?, oppositional defianante disorder, adhd/non hyper disorder; learning disabilities. These are things that were all diagnosed between the age of 21/2 when the speech disorder was diagnosed, and the age of 8 when we started having more extensive disorders and problems put in the equation. m

At kindergarten after having spent 2 years looking for someone that could help my son with his speech issues, and the other issues I could see. But no one had a name for. He had no smile, no laughter, no happiness. He was always angry, oppositional and wanted to do the opposite of what you asked.
It was a challenge to teach him how to tell you what he wanted to do or what he needed.

At kindergarten age, after spending a year in a specialized pre-school. He was in the office more than class. For fighting, and other things.
He ended up spending a 2nd year in kindergarten/resource room, because he had a kindergarten teacher that helped me get him retested. And when he qualified during the last 9 weeks of the first year. We did a 1/2 day 3 days of the week of a fun program. So he would want to go back the next year.
See he wanted to stay home. But he was a handful, and was also depressed.

His 2nd grade and 3rd were a little better. But I am starting a new thread about 4th. I had just thought I had a behaviour problem till 4th grad chi

We had issues with sadness, anger and conduct. All through his years.
At the age of 8 we started to see what was considered depression.
I easkfed by the school to consider getting him a counselor.

He also was doing some other things, like talking about killing people, and himself. I don't honestly know if he was harmful to some kinds of animals.
But I know that he had a destructive side, when he got into a mood, you
never let him out of your sight. But also one thing very unusual for kids was that he had almost no memory.

At this time, he also started drawing very black negative pictures. Talking about killing specific things, and he hated himself. He would get obsessive
with like his brother that was 3 years younger than him. And take his anger out on him. I had to really watch him, with him. My middle son Devin,
was very careful around him. To he sure not to say the wrong thing, look
at him wrong, anything. My son's moods, would go from good, to bad, to over the top. To al the sudden he would be explosive.p Then he would be
ready to sleep. It was really hard to know what to exoect,''

In 5th grade, he had gotten ahold of firecrackers, at school. threatened to
burn the school down. In one breath but then to go to the school dance er the next. with his girlfriend. Or to go to the bigger town and find a specific teacher and kill her kids. He had made sure someone found that picture.

He wanted help, he ws going through maniac, and depressive things right then. And wanted I believe to talk to someone. But he wouldn't allow himself to ask nohelp. At this point the school required again that we take him. But since we were already taking him. They chose another therapist to do a second session to see what they though.

All this time, not a one doctor could find a medicine that would help. They tried many. At 6th grade he went on Prozac, and it was something that was the best he had so far. I saw a child I had never seen. I saw HOPE.

We even had a young Man that apologized to the teacher that he had threateneds children the year before. This was his teacher this year. It happened to be one of his favorite. He used some phrases that weren't appropriate. But with help of her's and the therapist he was doing so much better.

He stayed on Prozac and Adderall for the add was added n March of this year.
Please understand the doctor's had refused to treat the ADD till we had a treatment for the depression and anger side.

We had a chance now. But in 8th grade things turned bad.

More to come

Now we start to enter his Jr High years. He starts out very well. His depression is doing well. Hiss anger and explosive side is not bad. But its a concern still. I do need to tell you that his explosive side is a bigger problem
at times for the depression.

He gets good grades in 7th grade, and he gets through 8th, and goes on the Washington DC trip. I just realized he made it through both years. Not exactly sure what his incentivthe was for this. Other than when his ADD needed more meds the nurse allowed a cokhe in 8th grade instead of more meds. Because he just need it for one hour. And he didnt take it at home every night.

But hormones hit, in 9th grade, friends brought cigmarettes, he got caught with them. I made a mistake letting a doctor change prozac to Wellbutrin
and not know you can't always take Adderall iwith it.

3 weeks after changing, one morning he had a situation were he put my middle son through our wall. I had to call a ambulance. He then proceeded to take the cords out of the wall. I had cordless phones. So I called back.
He kept taking the phone away. They sent me help, before the ambulance.

He explouded, like this all the time it seemed anymore. Anyway to explain.

He was sent to a center for boys, then to a state center for testing. Then instead of sending him to boys school. Because we had all the Proof that we had been trying for years to get him help. They placed him at A place called Gibault school for Boys. It happens to be were I credit, for saving his life, keeping him out of jail for life, and the best place int eh world for him at the time.

It was the hardest thing I had done. But when he finally got there after the 4 months I think it was. The psychiatrist that treated him, after another month. Put him on Depakote and wellbutrin. And with in 1 week there was a change. I had a undepressed child, and I also had a child that had a memory.

I still had times, that the depression showed its head later in years. He tried his hadnd at no meds. Or he was 18 and had sex with a 15 year old and got in trouble.

But he has straightened his life out and I can say for sure WOW>

Donna

Now I have definately left some things out.

But I do know I will add some interesting things he has done in the recent years.

These are the reason's I'm so proud of him:

1. He has called me out of the blue and said: "Mom I need to go back to the doctor, Will you take me"
2. Mom the doctor isn't listening to me. Will you go with me, so we can try and get her to.

a. Now that was the most proud moment. See he wanted something
specific, A medicine that he knew it worked. She wanted him to take what
he was. He got his old one back, and his memory.


3. My grandson was born. My daught-in-law worked. My son was on
SSI, and he took care of my grandson till she got laid off when he was
41/2.

a. The day cps showed up. Instead of getting mad, he got worried
and upset, and called me. To come talk to the lady and help.
a. 2nd proudest moment, he handled himself so well. He was complimented for the way he handed the situation. I knew the lady that came. She told me later how upset he was when he called me. And how impressed she was with how he handled himself. She knew his history.

4 Up until this time with some watching. And some work. I had managed
to keep him pretty much on his meds.

__________________________________________________ ______________


About this time he decided again that he wanted a job. So he started going
out. Got a job, was working till Friday full - time 40 hours. He just got laid off. But he is working on getting another job.

5. He will at times have signs of the depressive sign show. We watch, and I know that I will force if I have too.

6. My husband has already told him once that he will go if necessary.

Just this last year. He made a appointment with his psychiatrist but I dont'
know if he had kept his appt. or not then.


So if my son, that I honestly told myself preparing myself. Because a mom
doesn't want to go through any of this. That I didn't want to have
to live it. But I wouldn't trade this for another kid now.

But my son has lived with and without meds. I don't like it.

But I am there to help pick up the pieces.

I can tell you this. If he had chose to live with his girlfriends family instead
of the other way. See his girlfriend moved in with us.


Because she couldn't afford her apartment, and if she didn't move in she was going to have to move to Wisconsin. And he was going with her.
t at
And I didn't want that. So we made the best of the situation.

So even though its not exactly the same. Realize there is a reason she
is doing this. And be there ready to help her when she is ready
for you too.


My son is who he is because of what he went through. Thankfully
he found the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe your daughter
will too. If for no other reason than you are there for her.

Donna

thank you donna for sharing your story. What a long road for you and your family.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Donna,
I am not sure I have words. I am sitting here with tears running down my checks. I had my challenges, still try to keep the kids growing into self sustaining adults. Every day your eyes wake until you sleep, life has its challanges.
I love you for the Grace, love and support you give unconditionally not only to your family, but to any of us that needs it.

Huge hugs and I love you
di

Honestly there is no need to have words.

I know you all understand.
I posted hoping I could somehow give some hope to the mom struggling
right now with her 18 year old. And just tonight, a good friend, tells me
her bi-polar 18 year old has decided to stay in Wyoming, instead of coming home from seeing his very sick grandmother and rest of family.
She of course is scared. But life was kicking his butt, here. But for other reasons. And I personally think he can get a fresh start there, and if the family that is there will help support, and get him his meds till he gets a job.
Then he will be good.

He has had problems with his girlfriend here in our area. So bad she almost cased him not to graduate.
Donna

Di Marie

Thanks so much for the kind words. I really just did what all us mom's do.
I taught my kids who to live life. I wanted them to graduate from high school, hoped they would get married and raise families. And have good paying jobs. I wanted them to learn what it meant to love one another.
How to ask for help, how to say thank you.

But most of all how to be there when osmeone needs them.

I really wasn't sure this particular son would ever be able to do these things.

And now I can honestly say, he surpasses my highest expectations.



But I think though the one thing, I enjoy the most is that my oldest and middlest son's have a very good relationship now. THey have worked very
hard to put the past in just that place. And along with them, my youngest
can also have a good relationship with them.

So life for at least the three brothers, has taken a good turn.



Now its time to work through some problems with a couple of the grandkids.

Donna

Oh Donna bless you
I was never able to get a lot of that accomplished. I try so hard, I guess as a young girl I was so quiet, safe, as the oldest always had to take care of the younger 5,
Thought life was always good to good people. Never expected challenges.If we are good, then we are rewarded....sometimes I forget about the trials of Job.

What happens to all these kids if we are gone? I can't even imagine if something happen to me trying to hold it all together and not having the answers.
I am thankful to have such friends like you Donna.
Your thread offers such hope, love, futures.....
di

I have an inspirational mom(87) who decided that she was going to ensure that her children stay close as adults. She has been cooking lunch for them twice a week. they all come.... I think there is four children. some times even the grand children come. so they are all close. Don't know how long she has been doing this but I think it has been a very long time.
bizi