Peppermint tea helped
 

Dear Waves,

Yes. It was the vibe. I feel like such a complainer. They don't remind me of my childhood. It was that the four of us adults were too much.

I'm so fragile. I need lots of time alone to recover to get back outside to work. The weekend was about them and hubby and I barely slept. I did not do anything for myself. There was no downtime except the four hours or so I slept at night.
Brushing my teeth. . . I did it in the living room while they kept talking. It was more time efficient that way.

Oh. And three nights in a row of restaurant food was horrible -- salty, more quantity than I would have had at home even though I ordered carefully and took home some one night for the fridge. My dad likes restaurants as entertainment-- plan the place, have many discussions about how to get there, deal with the wait staff, drink wine that we don't keep in our place, discuss the food, . . . ..(BOOOORRRING. I don't like talking about food) . . Next time, I'll let hubby cook for them and I'll eat by myself in another room.
And i tremendously find restaurants themselves stressful -- never mind the food (but the food was pretty horrible).

Each day I had to keep up with hubby and Mom. THey were off doing their own thing playing tennis and visiting parks, but I sort of had to keep up with them via computer prints outs for directions, . .. . .
THen there was the talking. I made Dad talk more about medical to me than he has ever spoken to anyone else but mom. I told him that they are a part of a family and they have to share what the heck is going on. He said Mom will never tell us kids anything but we can ask him about her. He and I also had to update each other on what is going on with my brothers. . . . . . so depressing. I'd rather avoid what is avoidable.

Did I say I did not sleep??

Maybe I'll take a break. This is so much whining in a post.


M

oh dear
 

(((((((((((((( Mari )))))))))))))))

it all sounds positively exhausting. :(

yuck. i hear you about down time and alone time. :(
ok, consider this: i like restaurants generally (depends on place), but i HATE excessive prep-work to get there. that half ruins it. talking about the food to the extent of verifying if everyone is happy with what they got is as far as i like to discuss the food. analysis of it i dislike - it should be part of a pleasant scenery to be shared while the focus can be on the company. but for someone who doesn't even like restaurants... this sounds like a nightmare. :(:(

let me open a parenthesis. (you know i have that parenthetical speech tendency... so here goes...)

a "good" restaurant experience should be like going into one of those "relax" rooms in a gym, except you get to bring friends and socialize if you want.

i recall a beautiful (i mean REALLY beautiful), quiet, chinese restaurant i used to frequent. it featured a large S-shaped coy pool and lots of plants, plant-dividers, tall plants, etc. the menu was illustrated as well as written out with descriptions. the lighting was warm from those fabric-globe lights. there ample space between tables - feeling of privacy and the servers did not have to ex-squeeze their way about. soft music. great ambience. the food was an integral part of all that. the waiting staff waited on you, not the reverse. (waiting staff, when they do their job well, are almost transparent.)

this sounds sooooo sad!!! but you know, if it works for you... it could be a way of getting your alone time. and you could eat food that you like and nurture yourself that way. :Heart:

oh boy. techno stuff and organizational crud.... ack! :eek:
i understand about it being depressing. but i am wondering if this could be a breakthrough in terms of getting him to share more, more often. bunches of updates at onces is hard. but keeping in touch over the phone might be better. perhaps this is one positive thing that could emerge from this visit.

we gathered....

so start another post and "whine" some more - as much as you want. we're here to hear. ;) :hug::hug::hug:

(((( hugggggs )))) and soothing vibes :circlelove:

oh i just saw your title... glad that the tea helped :)

~ waves ~

I like what waves said...take care of yourself.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

parent visit
 

Dear Waves,

Yes. Dad is exhausting. He needs to be the center of attention. I'm still undone. . .. .can't get back on track . . . . as if I ever were on track :confused:

Yes. That's because you have class . . . may father lacks that. Class is about making other people comfortable. Father lacks that.

I'm still off my game since they got here . . . if I ever had one. :hissyfit:

Yes. Let's go out sometime. I'd like to have a relaxing meal with someone.


Two short convos in two days is all I am going to get until I see him and Mom next year. After I spoke to him, my sis says that something is still wrong with Mom that Dad has not revealed to her or to me.
There is no way to know if it is a big deal or a small deal like an abnormal blip on some blood work.


A few years ago my Mom had a complete hysterectomy without telling us about it until afterward. :thud: She had every thing taken out for something very very minor than most people would be undisturbed about (surgeon was a creep as far as I can tell)

Tdoc explained to me at the time that my mother's decision to have that surgery was consistent with decisions of other women who were abused when they were young. Both father and mother were abused sexually. I suppose talk about medical issues is hard for them.

I can be patient sometimes. Other times, not so much.

I'm off my own food plan since they got here. . . . too much salt,. . .junk . . .


M

I'm Missing Work Buddy
 

Hi,

When school started, we got a new direct boss (she is not new to the organization ---- new to the position).

She seems to be doing ok.
Some of our administrative responsibilities were given to her by higher ups.
Most of the rest, we handed to her /dumped on her.
We are done carrying the load for the others.
Also --- we are going to let her finish carrying out the organization fight. We achieved about 80% of what we needed for our group.
The new boss is going to have to pick up the charge now while we step back.

I still have one formal role working with the new boss.
Since last Friday, work buddy is more free of administrative duties than he has been for about a year.

Being free of the load and of him feels so awful.
I'm lost without the constant contact.
We both suffered under the stress.
I don't know how to get to a normal work relationship because I never had one with him.
We were in crisis mode for about 11 months.
. . . . Lost.


M

Mari

I think you probably have a joint problem.

I'm assuming he is having the same problem. GIve it a little time,
I'm guessing between you, you'll figure it out.

Donna:grouphug:

you were running on crisis management it seems last year...now you can ease back....the change in pace will definitely be difficult to assimilate. Jeff had a slow year fewest students ever...he got to catch his breath had been running over loaded for years, it allowed him to regroup mentally and be ready for the next year. Try to regroup as best as you can.
bizi

change, changing places... root yourself to the ground
 

Dear Mari

i am glad you and your team managed to shove the admin duties to the new boss so you can focus on stuff that's more up your alley.

from what i gathered in the past, you and work buddy have a bond, and it goes beyond crisis management. it got you through crises that you might not have got through as easily otherwise, methinks.

now you can cultivate that bond in a more peaceful context. i believe this change will bring more opportunity than loss, in terms of your relationship with him and probably with the entire team too.

you will likely both undergo something of a "mental reset" in adjusting to the different type of work you will be doing together. so it might seem weird at first. it might feel like you are just in the eye of the storm. waiting for the other shoe to drop. but at some point you will both start experiencing security in the new situation and go forward from there.

... my http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/symbolic/twocents.gif ;)

~ waves ~