Waves,

. . . weird about dreams in which you accuse yourself.

I wish we could all be easier on ourselves.

M

Oh, Waves,

How will you see the pdoc? As best as I can tell, he is good for you. I'm sure that other good pdocs exist but still . . . ..

OK. So pdoc thinks it is good to terminate but you are going to wait and we hope find out more info today.

I hope that the talk with the guy works out for you.

M

lol Mari. the dream part was about trying to get myself to reconsider going back.

the accusations of chickening out came as i woke up and remembered the dream. but yeah, same diff... can't seem to let myself off the hook. even the dream was in a way a pressure to return.

if i can't pay and he doesn't say, hey no worries, come anyway... i won't see him, period. i will have to switch to state-managed care. new pdoc and limited therapy. no charges for that - i have an exemption for psychiatric services only. who knows. maybe it is time for a change.

it did. he told me what to say by email, to withdraw, and sent back a formal doc confirming contract closure without penalty. i will only get paid for days worked in august (not whole month) which is really a sort of half-penalty, if you will, without calling it that. ;) but it seems fair to me, since the client does not pay him for anything besides days worked. it doesn't cost me anything.

if you recall, this is what i wanted to do originally. this is what sat the best with me anyway. this feels honest.

--------------------------------------------------

now i am just back to my former worries... andthensome. unemployment.... possibly lots of expenses i wasn't covering before and more than likely without the small allowance my folks were slipping me. i am not going to ask them about that either. it was offered before, not requested. if it is offered again, i will accept. :(

~ waves ~

good for you waves, it seems they are willing to make the best of it for you so there is not a penalty, paid for days worked seems very fair.
Perhaps now you can concentrate on getting your SELF back to normal.
what ever that is that is....
love you
bizi:hug:

Waves

Good job, I think you are doing a great job.

Donna:grouphug:

Dear Waves,

I think you're doing a wonderful job, too! You've made the best decision!

When it's hard to make simple decisions, it's impossible to work out complex problems. I give you a lot of credit for managing to work out all this BS despite your symptoms!

Hang in there! I hope that you can be kind to yourself soon!
:hug::hug::hug::hug:
Kay

thanks everyone :grouphug: