i am relieved i don't have to make a change right now.

but i am not convinced he is the best therapist for me in many ways. supportive therapy, ok. but not in other areas - not even cognitive therapy.

he does not seem on top of the pharmacology much. and he basically lets me run that. which is "ok" under usual conditions, but i'd like someone who can give me cutting edge news... hey, this new med is out... etc. and someone who can DRIVE when there are UNusual conditions.

the best he could do was when i asked if i should increase the depakote again,was to say no. and when asked if tacking on a bit of extra benzo might help, to say yes. totally passive. when asked why he didn't suggest it he said because by now i know best how these meds work on me.

yeah, well... sometimes WE as patients don't think of things. and in one particular case he left me in a state of delusional fear and went on vacation. when one is delusional one does not "figure it out" until later, so one does not think "oh, I need to take some Zyprexa!" that time it could have got worse. fortunately, some of the triggers disappeared, and it remitted after a few weeks. no thanks to him though.

after that i have been sort of waiting for Godot ... something to force me to change. but seeing him free i do not feel like i can quit and then go back.

so while on the one hand i am relieved, i also feel stuck.

waves